Is Divorce A Sin?

By James on December 10, 2013 in Divorce
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What Does YAHUAH Say About Divorce

 

Is Divorce Sin

The scripture being quoted here is a valuable eye opener for those truly seeking the Truth of YAHUAH at this critical point in time.  It has a hidden meaning to those that our bound by falsehoods created by the wicked mind of men.  I pray that many of YAHUAH’S Saints may be set free.

Isaiah 61:1 – 6   The Spirit of the Sovereign YAHUAH [is] upon me; because YAHUAH hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to [them that are] bound;

To proclaim the acceptable year of YAHUAH, and the day of vengeance of our Elohim; to comfort all that mourn;

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of YAHUAH, that he might be glorified.

And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.

And strangers shall stand and feed your flocks, and the sons of the alien [shall be] your plowmen and your vine dressers.

But ye shall be named the Priests of YAHUAH: [men] shall call you the Ministers of our Elohim: ye shall eat the riches of the Gentiles, and in their esteem shall ye boast yourselves.

The Marriage Institution Is Never Greater Then The Man And Woman Who Make Up The Marriage

Note: Minor changes have been made to this article for instance words like G-d, Holy, J-sus, Lord have been replaced with there Hebrew counterpart, I did not change the word Christian because it would change the understanding of the statement written, for the word Christian we will just remember that it really should be a follower of Yeshua in its place.

Divorce: Elohim’s will? So clearly reveals from the Scriptures that Elohim is for divorce when needed. He doesn’t want us to live in a bad marriage. He desires remarriage for us. And we do not let Him down if we have been divorced. This book really is from heaven as the author indicated.

The Marriage Institution or The Marriage Partners?

Which is greater in Elohim’s eyes: the marriage or the people of the marriage? The priorities in the Assembly concerning marriage have been greatly misplaced. We have judged the “marriage institution” to be greater than the couples who make up the marriage.

The institution is never greater than those who make up that institution. A company is only as good as its people. A strong and mighty nation is made up of courageous people who will stand up for what is right under any circumstances. Moreover, a great marriage is great because the couple has a great relationship, and nothing less. An institution is only as great as the relationships that make up that institution.

When a couple no longer has a great relationship, the marriage is no longer great. When we care more about our marriage than our marriage partner, we have misplaced the emphasis of our relationship. Being married does not create a great relationship. But having a great relationship creates a great marriage.

When we are faced with the decision of either saving the institution or the people of the institution, the institution must go! And when we are faced with the decision of either saving a marriage or the people of the marriage, the marriage must go! Whether it be a company, the ministry, the nation, or a marriage, the people of these institutions are always more important than the institutions themselves. Always!

If we put the institution first, instead of the people, we lose the vision for the institution. The vision of the people makes the institution what it is. Without a vision, failure and collapse are inevitable. When the dreams for the marriage that are in the heart of the husband and wife go out because of a bad relationship, the marriage is on a collision course with a bad situation. But as long as there is vision for the marriage, the marriage will continue. When a married couple loses the vision for the marriage, which is that joy a person possesses in their heart to spend the rest of their days with their mate, it’s hard to rekindle on their own. However, Elohim is able through willing hearts.

Divorced Christians Who Married Again Are NOT In Adultery!

A Christian (follower of Yeshua) who needs a divorce and considers remarriage will not be in adultery! Divorce from a bad or unrighteous marriage is a right from Elohim to His children. Christians who were divorced and remarried have been wrongly labeled to be in adultery. It’s just not true!

They Say We Have A Spouse Yet We’re Unmarried

We have been incorrectly taught and blindly believe that once a person is divorced, they somehow still have a spouse. They cannot get married again. This lie is designed to keep people in bondage their entire lives. To see how much your mind has been conditioned, answer the following questions:

If you were divorced or your spouse was deceased, would you still have a mate? Of course not! Let me ask the same question a different way. If you are a woman and your husband was divorced from you or deceased, would you have a husband? And if you are a man and your wife was divorced from you or deceased, would you have a wife? To seek answers to these simple questions may seem silly, but if we have answered them as “Yes”, that’s what we’ve been taught.

We have been told that a person cannot get married once they have been divorced because their spouse is alive, even though after the divorce they don’t have a spouse; but once that spouse dies, they can then get married. In the case of a woman who has been divorced, it is NOT true that their HUSBAND is alive, but it IS true that their FORMER HUSBAND is alive. To put it another way, we were told that we were “bound” (married) to someone when we weren’t. We were quoted that “a wife is BOUND by law as long as her husband lives [that’s if she has one, but a divorced woman doesn’t have a husband]; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in YAHUAH” (1Corinthians 7:39).

This isolated Scripture was used as an illustration by the Apostle Paul to give an example of when a husband dies; the wife is no longer under the law. Paul was NOT teaching about divorce.

 “I say to the UNMARRIED and widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I [the Apostle Paul] am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, LET THEM MARRY. FOR IT IS BETTER TO MARRY THAN TO BURN WITH PASSION” (1Corinthians 7:8,9). Who would “burn with passion” the most: the person who was NEVER married, who never knew a close intimate relationship and the pleasures of sex, or the person who had been married? Elohim knows the power and pull that a sexually intimate relationship has on a person once they are separated from their spouse. That’s why He said concerning prayer and fasting, “Do not deprive one another [sexually] except with consent for a time, that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer; AND COME TOGETHER AGAIN SO THAT HASHATAN DOES NOT TEMPT YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR LACK OF SELF-CONTROL” (1Corinthians 7:5).

Remarriage Truth

In 1Corinthians 7:27, 28 it says, “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned.”

What we have been taught is that you can ONLY get remarried if your spouse is dead ? period! Therefore, let’s apply this teaching to this scripture. “Are you bound (married) to a wife? Do not seek be loosed (to kill her or to put a contract out on her). Are you loosed from a wife (did you kill her or have her murdered)? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry another woman (after you had your wife killed) you have not sinned.” Can you see the utter silliness of that rationale?

This is the proper understanding: “Are you bound (married) to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed (divorced). Are you loosed (divorced) from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry (after you have been divorced), you have not sinned.”

Next, direct your attention to 1Corinthians 7:8, 9 which says, “I say unto the UNMARRIED and the WIDOWS, ‘it is good for them if they abide even as I (meaning to stay single).

But if THEY cannot contain (having self-control to stay single) LET THEM MARRY: FOR IT IS BETTER TO MARRY than to burn (with passion for a mate).”

Religion has taught us that the “unmarried” in this Scripture does not refer to anyone who was divorced, only to those who where NEVER MARRIED. If “unmarried” means “NEVER MARRIED,” then why did Paul the Apostle who wrote this letter continue only sixteen verses later say, “NOW concerning VIRGINS…”? Virgins (those who where NEVER MARRIED were NOT of those mentioned who where UNMARRIED. “NOW” he is talking about them?–the virgins?. Before he wasn’t! Then Paul goes on to say that the virgins and those who are UNMARRIED ? “loosed from a wife” (divorced) are in the same category if they marry ? “THEY HAVE NOT SINNED.”

Therefore, 1Corinthians 7:27, 28 properly reads: “Are you bound (married) to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed (divorced). Are you loosed (divorced) from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry (after you have been divorced), you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.”

The Marriage Institution And The Surgery Of Divorce.

Most of the time divorce is looked at as something terrible. However, there are times when the surgical procedure of divorce is needed to save life. This Christian divorce and remarriage book holds the keys from the Scriptures to release you from the condemnation of man-taught religion. Divorce: Elohim’s will? was written from the command of YAHUAH to set His people free!

The Marriage Institution

A harmonious marriage between a man and a woman is one of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences one can have. But what happens, when that beautiful experience is not so beautiful any longer and the love that was so deep has turned into bitterness of heart and hate? What happens when proper counseling has not brought forth the desired fruit, and the hope of the relationship being restored seems lost? And what happens when our spouse turns their back on Elohim, the only true reconciliator of marriages? Is there still hope after all hope appears to be gone? Yes!

As painful as this may sound when dealing with a marriage, divorcing or “making one into two” is necessary and needed to save and preserve life. To save a person’s life from the destruction of cancer, a surgical separation must take place. To keep our community safe from a known rapist, they must be separated from the community and incarcerated. A rabid animal must be separated so others may not die also. And as painful as it is, there are husbands and wives who are greatly corrupting their spouse and a separation must take place to save and restore them, before both are lost forever.

This book has been written to save those who make up the family, not necessarily to keep a marriage together. The author recognizes that it is priority to save the marriage, but also knows that some marriages are not meant to be saved, and shouldn’t be.

There is a time when Sovereign Yahuah-Yeshua is our High Priest to bring us together in a marriage; from being two, He makes us one. But there are other times He is our Physician who comes to do surgery as our last resort to bring healing. The surgical procedure of divorce is one of those times.

Who Invented Divorce Anyway?

Divorce and remarriage was never a question with Elohim. For “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, AND HE WRITES HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE, puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and goes AND BECOMES ANOTHER MAN’S WIFE…” (Deuteronomy 24:1, 2).

And again, “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you LOOSED FROM A WIFE? Do not seek a wife. BUT EVEN IF YOU DO MARRY, YOU HAVE NOT SINNED” (1 Corinthians 7:27, 28a).

There were times when Elohim forbids His people to divorce. There are two situations in Deuteronomy 22:13-30 where Elohim has REMOVED the right to divorce. This means that when needed, the right to divorce has always been there. In these cases that right was abused, so Elohim revoked it. The first instance was when the husband claimed that his new wife was not a virgin, when in fact, she was proved to be so. Because the husband brought a bad name on her, “…He cannot divorce her all his days” (Deuteronomy 22:19b).

The other case was when a man had sex with a single woman who was a virgin. He must pay a fine [the dowry of a bride] to her family, and by having sex with her he has taken her as his wife and “…[Was not] permitted to divorce her all his days” (Deuteronomy 22:29b). But “if her father utterly refuses to give her to him [the marriage would be cancelled]” Exodus 22:16.

Which “Divorce” Does Elohim Hate? Does Elohim Really “Hate Divorce”?

A remarriage or to remarry after divorce is the will of Elohim! When Elohim said, “I hate PUTTING AWAY,” He NEVER meant divorce, but to SEPARATE. Meaning, divorce was good when needed. Elohim never hated divorce, it was “something” else He hated.

To Which Situation Did Elohim Say, “I Hate Putting Away (Divorce)?”

We have heard this Scripture: “YAHUAH Elohim of Israel says that HE HATES DIVORCE” (Malachi 2:16). This is almost always quoted as if Elohim hates all divorces in general. But that’s just not true. We have previously read from the Scriptures books of Ezra, Nehemiah, Jeremiah, Deuteronomy and 1Corinthians that Elohim is not against divorce. Then why all the confusion concerning why Elohim said that “He hates divorce?” The reason for the confusion is because there are TWO “kinds” of marriages and TWO “divorces” being mentioned in the Malachi 2:11-16 passage.

The “divorces” were not official divorces; they didn’t need to be. They were already previously married and “unofficially” married again. The Hebrew word shalachmeans “putting away”― a separation, as correctly translated in most Scriptures. However, the King James and a number of newer versions have incorrectly translated shalach as to mean: divorce. It never meant divorce and it doesn’t mean divorce. The word was most likely translated as “divorce” to fit what was taught in the Assembly. Shalach is just a common word used throughout the Old Testament which means to: go, separate or to send. That’s it!

So why did Elohim angrily say that He “…hated putting away [a separation]?” “…Because you have not kept My ways [concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage] but have SHOWN PARTIALITY IN THE LAW” (Malachi 2:9).

The Law specifically stated that when a man got a divorce from his wife that he was to write “…her a CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE, put it in her hand, AND [shalach] send her out [put her away]…” (Deuteronomy 24:1). Elohim also commanded them not to marry anyone who did not serve him ― who served a foreign Elohim (See Nehemiah 13:25-30).

Instead, men separated from their wives without ever giving them a Certificate of Divorce and then illegally married someone else. This is why YAHUAH said that they were still “their wife by covenant.” The marriage covenant had never been dissolved by the Divorce Certificate.

“YAHUAH’s Set-Apart institution which He loves…YAHUAH has been witness between you and the wife of your youth …[and] SHE [STILL] IS YOUR COMPANION AND YOUR WIFE BY COVENANT. For YAHUAH Elohim of Israel says that He hates divorce [shalach], [separating without a Certificate of Divorce]…. He has [illegally] married the daughter of a foreign Elohim. May YAHUAH cut off …the man who does this being awake and aware” (Malachi 2:11,12a,14b,c,16a).

Because these men had remarried illegally ― separated from their wives without giving them a Certificate of Divorce, they were in adultery as Yahuah-Yeshua stated: “Furthermore it has been said, “Whoever PUTS AWAY [separates from {apoluo}] his wife, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE. But I say to you that whoever PUTS AWAY [separates and remarries without being divorced from] his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery: and whoever marries a woman who is PUT AWAY [separated without being divorced {apoluo}] commits adultery” (Matthew 5:31-32). (YAHUAH never forgot about the Malachi incident when He came to earth to redeem lost man).

The Old Testament Hebrew word shalach and the New Testament Greek word apoluo are equivalent which will be discussed later.

Because these disobedient men still had “un-divorced” wives, YAHUAH did not command them to give their illegal wives a Certificate of Divorce, rather, they simply had to “separate, put them away, [shalach].” SO DID ELOHIM HATE DIVORCE? NO! RATHER, ELOHIM HATED THAT THE HUSBANDS WERE SEPARATING FROM THEIR WIVES WITHOUT GIVING THEM A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE WHICH WOULD ENABLE THEM TO GET REMARRIED. THIS IS WHAT ELOHIM HATES!

The men of Israel were SEPARATING from their wives for self-gratifying reasons. Elohim Himself was a “witness” at their original marriage ceremony which was still in effect. The marriage covenant was never dissolved by a Certificate of Divorce. The men remarried outside their own culture (race) and tribe. Elohim considered the children they bore unSet-Apart because of the mixed marriages bringing curses into their families (See Ezra 9:1,2, Nehemiah 13:26-30).

Because of these unauthorized marriages, the Word of Elohim came to Ezra and Nehemiah to have the men and women of Israel who had done this thing, to separate from their spouse and even from their children (See Ezra 9:1, 11-12, 10:3, Nehemiah 13:23-27). In this situation, Elohim’s command was to “put them away, separate yourselves from them!” This was NOT the kind of marriage to which Elohim was saying, “I hate divorce!” He was saying loudly, “Get out of these wrong marriages!”

DIVORCE IS A METHOD TO SEPARATE THE ONE, AND MAKE THEM INTO TWO just as a surgeon’s knife is used to separate the cancerous flesh from the healthy flesh. Both operations are good. Divorce can be used to kill a righteous marriage, just as a surgeon’s knife can be used to kill a healthy person.

The Greek word apoluo: is the equivalent of the Hebrew word: shalach.

Divorce is NOT sin! It’s the motive behind divorce that makes it sin.

A divorce from a bad marriage is Elohim’s love to you. Elohim is for remarriage and wants you to have a good marriage, not a bad marriage!

Is it the Method or the Motive Behind the Method?

Does Elohim hate divorce because of divorce itself, or does He hate the perverted motive that men use behind this method to save?

There is both a right or wrong motive and attitude behind every action. It is no different with divorce. For example, the tenth commandment says, “You shall not covet…” (Exodus 20:17). Is this something that Elohim hates? Sure it is. But is it the things themselves that we covet that are wrong, such as nice clothes, a good car, a decent place to live, healthy food to eat, or is it the motive that says, “I want what you have?”

Proverbs 6:16-19 mentions things YAHUAH hates, such as:

“a proud look.” Is it the “look” that’s wrong, or the perverted motive that exalts self behind the look?

“a lying tongue.” Is it the “spoken words” that are bad or the heart motive to cover up truth?

“hands that shed innocent blood.” Is it the “act of self defense” by killing another person, or the manifestation of hate to murder for selfish motive?

“one who sows discord among brethren.” Is it the “sowing of seeds,” or is it that the seeds are seeds of division instead of seeds of unity?

Does Elohim hate divorce when it is used to save one or both of the spouses out of a dying marriage so they can get a new start with Him? Or does Elohim hate divorce when the motive comes from a heart that is self-seeking — wanting to push aside the marriage partner He gave them, for “something better.” (See Malachi 2:11-16)

There is a Divorce that Elohim Approves of and One He Hates

The divorce that Elohim approves of is one of His major surgical procedures to save the people of the marriage (but not necessarily the marriage itself). But it has been turned into something detestable and abhorred. And because of this, many husbands and wives will live life with no joy, dead hearts, and guilt from not divorcing just to save the marriage, but themselves being lost because they were kept from a surgical operation they so desperately needed.

Instead of attempting to save the people of the marriage, we want to save the marriage, and forget about the ones who make up the marriage. That’s like trying to save a burning building and not caring to rescue the people who work in the building. Do we save the people of the marriage, or do we save the marriage itself for the sake of the marriage? ELOHIM’S FIRST PRIORITY IS THE INDIVIDUAL, AND THEN THE INSTITUTION THESE INDIVIDUAL’S MAKE UP. If we try to save the marriage, we will probably lose the couple. But if we try to save the couple first, we have a very good chance to save the marriage, but more importantly, we will save one or both of the couple.

When people say, “Elohim hates divorce” as quoted from Malachi 2:16, normally that has been taught to mean that divorce is not allowed AT ALL. We shall see that this is only a half-truth.

In Jeremiah the eighth chapter, Jeremiah mourns over the inhabitants of Jerusalem. YAHUAH gave them a warning through the prophet in verses 4-22. In verse 5, it says that they were “…in a perpetual backsliding [condition]” and in verse 9 that “…they have rejected the Word of YAHUAH.” Our wrong motives and attitudes will always reject “the Word of YAHUAH.”

Because their motives and attitudes toward Elohim and people were so bad, Elohim said in verse 10, “Therefore I WILL GIVE THEIR WIVES TO OTHERS, AND THEIR FIELDS TO THOSE WHO WILL INHERIT THEM.” Notice Elohim’s attitude concerning the marriage. The marriage itself was not first priority, but second. Elohim did not save the marriage, but broke it up because of their continual disobedience. There is a curse that actually comes upon the marriage relationship because of continual disobedience to Elohim. (See Deuteronomy 28:30).

For He said, “…I will give their wives to OTHERS…” (Jeremiah 8:10a). “Others” means other marriage partners. Remember: ELOHIM’S PRIORITY IS TO SAVE THE PEOPLE OF THE MARRIAGE, NOT NECESSARILY THE MARRIAGE ITSELF. Elohim is the one who broke these marriages up. I believe that the husbands were just as cruel to their wives as they were to YAHUAH. Elohim didn’t even ask the husbands for a Divorce Certificate. He just had another country come and take over. DIVORCE ITSELF IS NOT WHAT ELOHIM HATES, BUT THE “WHY,” AND “HOW COME” BEHIND THE DIVORCE.

Christian Husband Wife Submission – Submit

The key to Christian husband wife submission is, to submit to that which is ONLY of YAHUAH and resisting that which is of the devil.

Submission To Spouse

Submission to our spouse is never greater than our submission to Elohim. Some people actually think Elohim gives us the liberty to have another Elohim before us. That is just not so (See Exodus 20:3). We must always submit to Elohim first. He knows what decisions to make. As we submit to Elohim and to one another He uses these situations to mature us, to bless us, and to reveal our own weaknesses. This results in our seeking Him all the more. “For when I am weak, THEN I am strong” (2Corinthians 12:10b).

There are all kinds of daily situations where one must submit to another. Husbands and wives need to make decisions daily about certain things. These decisions are not always to separate the good from the evil, but deciding what’s the best thing to do in a particular situation.

For example, we may need a car, but what kind? How much do we spend? These kinds of situations are where we grow together as husband and wife while submitting to one another. We must gain understanding of what kind of car fits our needs so we can make a wise decision. At times it is not always clear which course of action to take. This is where praying together in agreement comes in — seeking Elohim’s heart together. Even though a better automobile may be needed, which one is the right one for us?


Having Elohim’s Heart In Submission

When we submit to someone, we are actually submitting to the Messiah in them or the haShatan in them. Let me clarify. In each verse of Scripture we just read concerning submitting to another, there are commands to submit only to that which is of Elohim: That which does not violate the Word of Elohim, our conscience, or that which Elohim has dealt with us about in our own personal lives concerning His purpose for us. When we know we haven’t violated the Word of Elohim, we have a clean conscience and our heart is open and receptive before Him. We know we have then properly submitted, even if the spouse doesn’t agree. We are not to make Elohims of others in our attitude of submission. Elohim is jealous for that position alone (See Exodus 20:4,5). The Assembly seems to have forgotten that Elohim doesn’t want us to have any other Elohims before us, no matter what form they come in, even if they are our husbands and wives.

Many times we are placed in a position where we must submit to the one Elohim has in authority over us. They may be arrogant or belligerent, but this is where we as Christians are called to grow. These times are to teach us humility, to give us opportunity to expand the character of Elohim in us, and to be a visible witness of who and what Elohim is like. Elohim uses all these character defects in us to build more patience, to grow fruits of kindness, to destroy pride and to grow in us all those virtues of Yahuah-Yeshua. We do not want to escape these kinds of situations. Elohim wants us to pray our way THROUGH them so WE will be changed. Perhaps then, we may be able to help the one with the speck in their eye (See Matthew 7:3,4)

Elohim Hates Divorce? Not True!

It’s a half-truth that “Elohim hates (ALL) divorce.” Elohim Himself calls for divorces. Elohim does not desire His people to be in a bad or wrong marriage. If the couple will do what is necessary to have a Spiritual marriage and friendship, great! Otherwise, divorce and remarriage is a way to get a new start.

Elohim Hates Marriage?

Have you ever heard anyone say, “Elohim hates marriage”? Of course not! Have you ever heard anyone say, “Elohim hates divorce”? Sure we have, especially when they are not the ones faced with that dilemma. The phrase, “Elohim hates divorce” has been used against married couples as a blanket answer to cover all types of marriage problems. As we will find out from Elohim’s Word, that is just not true. Neither is it true that “Elohim hates marriage.” On the contrary, Elohim is the one who instituted marriage between a man and a woman. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

Even though Elohim instituted marriage, He does not approve of ALL marriages. This can be clearly seen in the lives of the people of Israel written in Ezra, chapter 9 and 10, and Deuteronomy 7:15. In Ezra, Elohim disapproved of the marriages and His judgment was on them until they corrected the situation by divorcing their spouses and even separating from their children that were born from those marriages. In Deuteronomy, Elohim said, “NOR SHALL YOU MAKE MARRIAGES WITH THEM. For they will turn your sons away from following Me” (Deuteronomy 7:3,4). In this situation, Elohim hated these kind of marriages!

When people say, “Elohim hates divorce” as quoted from Malachi 2:16, normally that has been taught to mean that divorce is not allowed AT ALL. We shall see that this is only a half-truth.

In Jeremiah the eighth chapter, Jeremiah mourns over the inhabitants of Jerusalem. YAHUAH gave them a warning through the prophet in verses 4-22. In verse 5, it says that they were “…in a perpetual backsliding [condition]” and in verse 9 that “…they have rejected the Word of YAHUAH.” Our wrong motives and attitudes will always reject “the Word of YAHUAH.”

Because their motives and attitudes toward Elohim and people were so bad, Elohim said in verse 10, “Therefore I WILL GIVE THEIR WIVES TO OTHERS, AND THEIR FIELDS TO THOSE WHO WILL INHERIT THEM.” Notice Elohim’s attitude concerning the marriage. The marriage itself was not first priority, but second. Elohim did not save the marriage, but broke it up because of their continual disobedience. There is a curse that actually comes upon the marriage relationship because of continual disobedience to Elohim (See Deuteronomy 28:30).

DIVORCE ITSELF IS NOT WHAT ELOHIM HATES, BUT THE “WHY,” AND “HOW COME” BEHIND THE DIVORCE.

Is Adultery Mandatory Grounds For Divorce? No!

The belief and teaching that adultery is always grounds for divorce, is not true! It CAN be grounds for divorce. However, adultery is not a MANDATORY reason for getting a divorce as we shall see.

Adultery, Grounds for Divorce?

Again, the Son of Elohim confronted the hardness of heart of the religious leaders. This time, they dragged into the temple (the Assembly building) someone’s wife who was caught in the very act of adultery. (I wonder why the man wasn’t brought in, too?) This incident took place in John 8:1-11.

After the accusations and indictments have been hurled out, Yahuah-Yeshua said, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first” (John 8:7). Yahuah-Yeshua then stooped down again and wrote in the dirt. When He stood up, every one of her accusers were gone, and not a stone was thrown. He said to her, “‘Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, Lord’. And Yahuah-Yeshua said to her, ‘Neither do I condemn you; GO and sin no more’” (John 8:10-11).

Go where? Go back to her husband and be the kind of wife that Elohim wants her to be. Yahuah-Yeshua did not say that adultery was grounds for divorce. He did not even tell her to make it right with her husband, even though she may have been convicted to do just that. But Yahuah-Yeshua did say, “Neither do I condemn you; GO AND SIN NO MORE” (John 8:11).

The religious leaders said that she should be stoned to death for adultery, NOT DIVORCED! There were different adultric situations in applying the law to have her stoned. The stoning punishment that they applied was for a man and woman caught in the act, and a “betrothed damsel” — an engaged young lady. This was spelled out in Deuteronomy 22:24 and Leviticus 20:10. It appeared that Yahuah-Yeshua applied the law of Numbers 5:11-31 because this woman was “another man’s wife”. In this case the wife was to be taken to the Priest. The curses were pronounced and written down regarding her supposed sinfulness. She was then to drink a certain mixture prepared by the Priest and then to say, “Amen, so be it”. She was then able to leave and the punishment was left up to Elohim according to what was written. This is probably why Yahuah-Yeshua was writing in the dirt — the curses of the sin. But Yahuah-Yeshua showed mercy. Even though there are consequences, He wanted to forgive and to cleanse.

ADULTERY IS NOT A MANDATORY REASON FOR A DIVORCE. If it were, that would mean that we could, according to Yahuah-Yeshua, divorce our spouse if they only committed the act of adultery in their heart. Yahuah-Yeshua said, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘you shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that WHOEVER LOOKS AT A WOMAN TO LUST for her HAS ALREADY COMMITTED ADULTERY WITH HER IN HIS HEART” (Matthew 5:27, 28). If this were the case, every man would probably have been stoned to death.

Married for the Wrong Reasons? The Right for A Christian (follower of Messiah) To Divorce and Remarry.

A person can actually get married for the wrong reasons—even Christians. To absolutely stay single after a divorce or in a wrong marriage is not Elohim’s heart nor Scriptural. (However, we do recognize that most marriage failures are due to selfishness or ignorance on the part of one or both of the spouses.) Because the original meaning of the Scriptures have been lost regarding marriage after divorce, many have been driven away from the Assembly and Elohim.

Staying in a Marriage for the Wrong Reasons

“For how do you know, O wife, whether YOU will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether YOU will save your wife?” (1Corinthians 7:16).

The implication is that we can actually continue to stay married for the wrong reasons. The emphasis here is whether YOU will save your spouse. For when we think we can do Elohim’s job to pressure someone to become a Christian or believe the way we believe, we are in grave danger. For NO ONE can come to Yahuah-Yeshua “unless the FATHER …draws Him…” (John 6:44). For we can actually be trying to lead someone to YAHUAH and be out of Elohim’s will because it may not be OUR place or the right time. (However, we are always to be an example of who Elohim is, and what He stands for; not to be slaves, imprisoned by the threats and or beatings of unholy men.)

The word “save” also means to deliver, heal, restore to proper order, or to make whole. The idea to save is often found in new marriages where one of the partners “thinks” that they can change the other or cause them to be free of some sort of problem such as drugs, rage, alcohol, or crime. But after much pain they find out it doesn’t normally work that way. It takes Elohim to change a person’s heart and to free them from such things.

The Wuest translation put it this way: For “ONLY as YAHUAH has assigned to each one his lot [in life], as Elohim has called each one, IN THAT WAY let him be ordering his manner of life…” (1Corinthians 7:17). Many have taken this Scripture to mean that the spouse that wants to walk with Elohim is supposed to submit to the uncleanness of the other spouse. This is foolishness!

The real questions for this Scripture are, “what has YAHUAH assigned to each of us as our lot in life? As we walk in that assignment, how shall we order our manner of living?” The answer to both of these questions must culminate into this one thing. “Be Set-Apart, for I am Set-Apart” (1Peter 1:16).

Some have even said that if a wife for instance, is in a bad marriage, whether they’re being abused or however their husband is treating them, that that is their lot from Elohim. This is nothing but foolishness and stupidity in its purest sense. They don’t know it’s the “…GOODNESS OF ELOHIM [that] leads you to repentance” (Romans 2:4). An abusive type of environment in the home is just not good. A healthy home environment is brought about by seeking “…those things which are above, where Messiah is…” (Colossians 3:1).

How can a person live a Spiritual life and at the same time submit that life to someone who practices Wickedness? “For either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other…” (Matthew 6:24). You cannot love YAHUAH your Elohim with all your heart while lowering and yielding yourself and your children to accept, partake and participate in things that YAHUAH Himself detests.

What has YAHUAH assigned as our lot in life? Surely it can’t be a life you hate so much you want to die to escape the pain. No! The Scriptures are so powerfully clear. Let’s take a look:

For “…we are the temple of the living Elohim. As Elohim has said: ‘I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their Elohim, and they shall be my people. Therefore COME OUT FROM AMONG THEM AND BE SEPARATE, says YAHUAH. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you! I will be a father to you and you shall be my sons and daughters, says YAHUAH Almighty. THEREFORE, HAVING THESE PROMISES, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of Elohim” (2Corinthians 6:16b-17:1).

If that’s not powerful enough, the Scripture also says to, “Let love be without hypocrisy. ABHOR WHAT IS EVIL. CLING TO WHAT IS GOOD” (Romans 12:9).

How could you not hate evil, and truly love, at the same time? That is hypocritical love. Hypocritical love does not hate evil. It allows evil to dwell beside it in its own home. Love MUST hate evil to be true in itself. Let our love be WITHOUT hypocrisy. Otherwise, it’s not love at all, but bondage. And for one to “cling” to that which is good, one must at the same time separate from that which is evil. As we move closer to that which is good, there is always a moving away from that which is evil. TRUE LOVE ALWAYS HATES EVIL!

It says in Proverbs 3:6, “IN ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” How can we, in all our ways acknowledge Elohim and receive direction, if we are united to a spouse who does not want to follow Elohim’s ways and doesn’t want us to either? The marriage will produce constant strife. Elohim wants us to live in peace.

Abuse In Marriage, Divorce Grounds.

Having divorce grounds because of marriage abuse is a serious matter! When there is abuse going on in a relationship, it’s time to separate. Divorcing is definitely grounds if needed.

Abuse

Abuse in its different manifestations is the most destructive tool that can be used by anyone against another person. It is designed to distort a person’s view of reality and of Elohim, thus keeping that person from having a fruitful life. When there is abuse going on in a relationship, it’s time to separate. It doesn’t matter how Set-Apart or good the person seems who is doing the violating.

There are different types of abuse and they are all designed for one thing and one thing only, DESTRUCTION! I believe all types of abuse can be put into one of these categories:

Physical Abuse: which is body torture that is used to subdue and control another person.

Sexual Abuse: torturing both a person physically and emotionally using unlawful sex acts as the weapon, i.e. prostitution, adultery, incest, homosexuality, rape, marriage rape, anything immoral or illegal sexually.

Verbal Abuse: designed to distort the truth a person holds about something or someone, including themselves in order to gain control over someone’s mind.

Spiritual (religious) Abuse: used to manipulate another person to serve any other Elohim than Yahuah-Yeshua while many times exalting the abuser. At its worse, it’s haShatanic ritual abuse, which many times include all the other categories of abuse.

Most sadly, all these types of abuses deeply scar the emotions of a person and usually greatly alters their perception and their ability to live life to its fullest. But there is hope. His name is Yahuah-Yeshua. He has come to heal the broken-hearted.

If you have been abused and are hurt deeply inside, there is hope, healing, and full restoration. If you will yield your heart to the Set-Apart Spirit sent from Elohim to be our helper, He will lead you through every traumatic situation that you have been through into wholeness. The process is painful. However, on the other side of each “door of pain” is a place of joy, peace and rest.

The Set-Apart Spirit works through the Word of Elohim (the Scriptures). Which means, you must diligently give yourself to study of the Scriptures daily, surround yourself with unspiritual people, turn your ears and eyes away from the secular media including TV, radio, movies, books and the like, and turn all of your heart over to Yahuah-Yeshua, He will tenderly minister life to you instead of death. Share the pain of your heart with Him while searching the Scriptures for the answers.

As you’re doing that, turn your eyes and ears to unspiritual Christian books, tapes, videos, TV, radio stations and music that Elohim can use to administer healing to your heart. (You heard it said, “Eat the hay and leave the sticks?” There is a lot of Christian stuff out there that has a lot of ‘sticks’. Pick through them until you find a good hay mound.”) As you do these things you will gradually and continually become a whole, hurt-free, peaceful and joyful person. You will even start to like yourself. And how good that will feel!

Can Divorced Christians Remarry? Absolutely!

Can divorced Christians remarry? Yes, of course! Forbidding someone to remarry after they’re divorced is bad doctrine. Marriage after being divorced is our heavenly Father’s heart! (Take notice of a wrong translation of only one single word (apoluo) that puts a divorced person in bondage.)

Divorce and Remarriage

“Now the Spirit [of Elohim] expressly says that in latter times [the days we live in now] some will DEPART FROM THE FAITH, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies …FORBIDDING TO MARRY…” (1Timothy 4:1,3).

“Forbidding [someone] to marry” after they have been divorced is a doctrine of the devil. The Scriptures is not saying that these people who hold to this belief are not true Christians, but that they teach out of ignorance — they don’t understand Elohim’s heart in the Scriptures. Understanding Elohim’s heart only comes from the Set-Apart Spirit revealing Him to us. Whenever we do not understand Elohim’s heart in the Scriptures, we have departed from sound doctrine.

This Scripture could not be talking about forbidding to marry in general. Nobody would listen to such nonsense preached. The desire that Elohim put in man to have a companion and sexual partner is too great, especially if they were married before.

In order that we don’t fall into “…sexual immorality, let EACH MAN have his own wife, and let EACH WOMAN have her own husband” (1Corinthians 7:2). “[For] IT IS NOT GOOD THAT MAN SHOULD BE ALONE…” (Genesis 2:18a).

The erroneous doctrine of forbidding one to marry after a divorce has been preached and taught in many Assemblies. It has violated the conscience and hearts of those who’ve been divorced, driving them into a constant state of confusion and negatively impacting their lives. The only way for these people to come out of that confused state is to leave the Assembly, and many have done just that. Not only do they leave the Assembly to remarry, they also need to be able to make the right decision to divorce when it’s necessary in order to save themselves and their families before all is destroyed.

In order to understand that there IS marriage after divorce, we will examine the Scriptures in Matthew 19:3-12 focusing on the usage of the Greek word, apoluo. The Greek word apoluo that’s translated “divorce” or “to put away” is a general word. Its primary usage is: to “send” (apoluo) someone home when it’s getting late.11 When two people are leaving each other there is a “separation.” Apoluo is a separation in general, which does not involve the “legal” aspect of a permanent separation like a divorce. The common usage is seen in the Scripture “When it was evening, His disciples came to Him, saying ‘This is a deserted place, and the hour is already late. SEND (apoluo) the multitudes away, that they may go unto the villages and buy themselves food’” (Matthew 14:15). The Greek word apoluo doesn’t have a legal aspect to it. It’s just a common word that means, “I’m going to go” or, “away from, to separate.” Because of our wrong beliefs about divorce, this key word was purposely translated (incorrectly) so it would not conflict with our beliefs.

When used concerning a marriage it means a separation and NOT a divorce. If a spouse separates intending never to return, then the next step comes into play; the spouse obtains a “certificate of divorce.” This is what the confrontation between Yahuah-Yeshua and the Pharisees (the religious lawyers of His day) was about in Matthew 19:3-12. The legal question was, “Do you just separate, OR do you separate AND give a certificate of divorce?” The Greek word used for divorce in these Scriptures means, to “send away” or separate from, NOT a finalized legal divorce.

The lawyers of Elohim’s law tested Yahuah-Yeshua. Their motive was to justify when they only separated from their wives and remarried without ever getting a divorce. They asked Him if Elohim accepts a separation to get remarried without a divorce certificate for just any reason.

Yahuah-Yeshua responded that when a male and female come together in a marriage union, “…they are no longer two BUT ONE…” (Matthew 19:6a). Because the couple is still united, He doesn’t want “man” (the marriage partners) to just separate from each other and get remarried without a divorce. A SEPARATION ALONE DOES NOT BREAK THE MARRIAGE UNION. IT TAKES A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE, ALSO. So the question was NOT, “Can a spouse DIVORCE their mate for any reason,” but “Can a spouse get a SEPARATION from their mate for any reason and then remarry while just separated.”

When a husband just leaves his wife for another woman without ever giving her a certificate of divorce, this keeps the wife in limbo. She could not go back to her husband because he doesn’t want her; and she couldn’t “go and become another man’s wife” as Moses commanded because she is not legally divorced (See Deuteronomy 24:1-2). If she did remarry without a legal divorce, she and the man who married her would be committing adultery. This is why Yahuah-Yeshua said, “…whoever separates (apoluo) from his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is [just] separated (apoluo) commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9 My Translation).

Because the Pharisees’ hearts were so hard “They said to Him [Yahuah-Yeshua], ‘WHY then did Moses COMMAND to give a certificate of divorce AND to put her away [separate]?’” (Matthew 19:7). They agreed with the part of the law that said that you could leave your wife, but they didn’t understand that it was not right to keep their wives from getting remarried. A spouse with a hardened heart will not give the other spouse a divorce. They will want to control the person. A person who truly loves unconditionally will always give you a way out: an option not to love.

So it is with Elohim; He always gives us the choice to not love Him. As we choose to love Him, it’s true love. At times the reason a marriage isn’t a truly unconditional loving marriage is because the partners feel that there is never a way out, if needed. If the marriage partners knew that there was a unspiritual way to escape from a failing marriage it would give the couple the freedom to “choose to love,” even when it’s not convenient.

Yahuah-Yeshua said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, PERMITTED you to divorce [separate from] your wives, but from the beginning IT [being separated without a divorce] WAS NOT SO” (Matthew 19:8). Notice in verse seven that Moses COMMANDED them to give a certificate of divorce AND to separate (put away) their wives. But in verse eight, because their hearts were so hardened against their spouse, Moses PERMITTED them to just separate without the husband giving the wife a certificate of divorce. The reason Moses commanded that a certificate of divorce be given was to guarantee that the wife could get remarried. Simply, Moses commanded to give a certificate of divorce AND to separate.

But because of the hardness of their hearts, Moses permitted them to separate only. The permission to separate and remarry without a divorce was limited to sexual immorality. If the wife was unfaithful, the husband could leave without ever being “officially divorced” — by giving her a certificate of divorcement, and go take another woman as his wife. But if there was no sexual immorality involved, the husband could NOT separate from his wife without getting a divorce first. If he didn’t get a divorce and went to live with another woman or got remarried, they were committing adultery.

“Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed [for selfish reasons]. Are you loosed [divorced] from a wife? [In my opinion says Paul, the Apostle] do not seek a wife. BUT EVEN IF YOU DO MARRY, YOU HAVE NOT SINNED; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned” (1Corinthians 7:26-28a). Notice that the “virgin” AND the person “loosed [divorced]” are both put in the same category — they have “not sinned” by getting married. BOTH THE PERSON WHO WAS NEVER MARRIED AND THE PERSON WHO WAS DIVORCED ARE WITHOUT SIN IF THEY MARRY.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 tells of a situation where a man married a woman and then divorced her. This woman then married another man. The Scriptures go on to state that if the second marriage ends by her husband writing “…her a certificate of divorce …OR if the latter husband dies…” (Deuteronomy 24:3,4), she could not remarry the first man she divorced because she had already married someone else. Therefore, if our spouse dies, or if we were divorced, we can get married again. Divorce and death are equal before Elohim. The only stipulation in this Scripture is that if this is the second marriage, we cannot go back to the first spouse and remarry them because we married someone else after we divorced them. The Hebrew word: shalach is the equivalent of the Greek word: apoluo.

Biblical Divorce & Biblical Remarriage

In MOST cases, divorce and remarriage is NOT sin at all, and never was! A biblical divorce is not sin. A biblical remarriage is not sin. This is because divorce and remarriage are not sin in themselves — nor have they ever been!

Sanctified (Set-Apart) Spouse Doing UnSet-Apart Things?

Whether a Christian marriage is equally yoked or unequally yoked, Elohim’s command to us is always the same; “…MAN OF ELOHIM …PURSUE RIGHTEOUSNESS, faith, love, patience, gentleness” (1Timothy 6:11). As we do this, “…the unbelieving husband is SANCTIFIED by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is SANCTIFIED by the husband; otherwise, your children would be unclean, but now THEY ARE SET-APART” (1Corinthians 7:14).

To be “sanctified” simply means that there is a process of cleaning up going on in a person’s life by Elohim that causes them to be separated from that which is not like Himself and being made into that which is like Himself. (Actually, the words sanctified, separated, Set-Apart and hallowed that are used in the Scriptures are basically the same Greek word. They mean the same thing.) Because the “unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife,” the wife must be sanctified herself and because the “unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband,” would mean the husband must be sanctified himself. And if the “children would be unclean [Not Set-Apart], but now they are Set-Apart,” a mother or father MUST be serving Elohim. Between the husband and wife, one being a Christian and the other a non-Christian, someone must give their whole life to Elohim for Him to make the rest of the family Set-Apart. I have heard it said all too often that when a husband lives unspiritual and the wife wants to live Spiritual, that the wife must stay with her spouse and do whatever he tells her to do no matter what it is because he is the head even to the point of not serving Elohim. How ridiculous! The wife is seeking for a way out of a bad situation, but is only sentenced back to her prison by “Set-Apart men of Elohim.” They want to serve Elohim with all their heart, only to find out they must bear the heavy yoke again. Many times this situation ends in tragedy and the so-called “glory” is given to Elohim. Then the spouse who wants to live Spiritual ends up as a “slave of man” instead of a “slave of righteousness.”

Slaves Of Men Or Slaves Of Righteousness?

“But if the unChristian departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister IS NOT UNDER BONDAGE IN SUCH CASES. But Elohim has called us to peace” (1Corinthians 7:15).

Notice the word “bondage” in verse 15. The word in the Greek text is “douloo,” which is the same word for “slave,” or “to be enslaved.” Most clearly, when one is in bondage, they are a slave to whomever or whatever has them bound. Let’s read verse 15 from the Wuest translation: ”But assuming that the unbelieving husband departs, let him be departing. A [CHRISTIAN] BROTHER OR [CHRISTIAN] SISTER IS NOT IN THE POSITION OF A SLAVE, NAMELY, BOUND TO THE UNBELIEVING HUSBAND OR UNBELIEVING WIFE IN AN INDISSOLUABLE UNION IN CASES SUCH AS THESE; but Elohim has called us [to live] in peace” (1Corinthians 7:15 WUEST).

Notice the “peace” in this case, comes from a separation, not a union. “…Elohim has called us [to live] in peace” (1Corinthians 7:15b). A home that has become a war zone because of two opposing hearts that have been tied together is not peaceful. Being at peace is having the same heart. Again, the Scripture says that a Christian brother or sister “is not in the position of a slave” and goes on to say that they ARE NOT “bound to the unbelieving husband or unbelieving wife in an indissoluble union in cases such as these.” Which means, if we stayed in a situation such as this, we would actually become a slave. And if we become a slave, then someone would have to be the master! You can’t be a slave without having a master over you. And you can’t be in bondage, without someone or something binding you. THE SLAVE ALWAYS PORTRAYS THE MASTER’S DESIRE.

If a Spiritual spouse continues to live with an unspiritual spouse, the Spiritual spouse will most likely eventually portray ungodliness, which is also reflected by them not growing in Elohim. This is why Yahuah-Yeshua bought us with a price, “…so you DO NOT become slaves of men …[but] slaves of righteousness” (Romans 6:18, 1Corinthians 7:23).

The book of James says, “Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Thus, NO SPRING YIELDS BOTH SALT WATER AND FRESH” (James 3:11,12b). This is a Scriptures principle. When sin (salt water), is mixed with holiness (fresh water), that which was Set-Apart becomes corrupted and sinful. Thus, no spring yields BOTH salt water and fresh. When polluted water is mixed with clean water, the clean ALWAYS becomes polluted.

The “slave” living under the “master” and the “fresh water” being mixed with the “salt water” is the Spiritual spouse being polluted by the ways and actions of the unspiritual spouse. The Spiritual spouse will become a slave and polluted. Good apples in a bushel do not make the rotten apples better. The good become rotten. Elohim is always saying, “come out of her my people, lest YOU share in her sins, and lest YOU receive of her plagues” (Revelation 18:4). “DO NOT BE DECEIVED: “EVIL COMPANY CORRUPTS GOOD HABITS. AWAKE TO RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND DO NOT SIN; FOR SOME DO NOT HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE OF ELOHIM” (1Corinthians 15:33,34).

Christian Divorce Facts For A Bad Marriage

The Christian divorce facts for a bad marriage are: Elohim is for divorce when needed, remarriage is right, a bad or wrong marriage is good to get out of, and Elohim supports you even though His Assembly may not!

Doing the Right Thing Too Long

I know we have covered a lot of ground, but let me share some final things with you in closing. Elohim’s desire and mine is that every husband and wife enjoys each other to the fullest. Marriages are very special before YAHUAH, but the people in the marriages are even more special.

There are some couples who are enjoying their marriage. There are also many couples who find their marriage like an anchor around their neck pulling them under water for the third time. A proper marriage is very wonderful and very beautiful; however, it is possible to stay married and be doing the “right thing” too long. The story of Elohim testing Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac is a good example of this:

YAHUAH told Abraham to “…Take …your only son Isaac, whom you love and go …and offer him there as a burnt offering…” (Genesis 22:2). So Abraham listened to Elohim and tied up Isaac and placed him upon an alter that he made. “And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

But the Angel of YAHUAH called to him from heaven and said, ‘Abraham, Abraham …DO NOT LAY YOUR HAND ON THE LAD, OR DO ANYTHING TO HIM; for now I know that you fear Elohim, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me’” (Genesis 22:10-12).

What if Abraham missed YAHUAH’s voice telling him to STOP THE SACRIFICE? What if Abraham had kept doing the last thing he was supposed to do? Isaac would have been dead! If we miss the Word of Elohim or the voice of Elohim and continue in a marriage longer than we’re supposed to, we too, can become a sacrifice that was not intended. Elohim does not want us to be a “sacrificial victim” for the “sake of the marriage.” Just as Elohim told Abraham to stop the sacrifice of his son, so Elohim speaks to us who are in dead marriages to stop being a sacrificial victim for the sake of the marriage institution. Yahuah-Yeshua Himself said to those who esteemed the institution to be greater than those who make up the institution, “…IF ONLY YOU HAD KNOWN WHAT THIS SAYING MEANS, I desire [to have] mercy …RATHER THAN …[to have] sacrificial victims, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE CONDEMNED THE GUILTLESS” (Matthew 12:7 AMP).

Many good books have been written that deal with how to promote and build strong marriages. Thank Elohim for them; we need them. However, there are very few books that deal with the “need to divorce.” We must not view the divorce of a bad marriage as an end of something good, because it is not. If the marriage were good, there wouldn’t be any divorce. It’s the end of something that went bad, and the BEGINNING of something new.

Breaking Soul Ties.

Breaking soul ties can actually save your marriage and family or free you from a past relationship!
(Visit our Marriage and Divorce Sources of Help page to obtain more information for books on
breaking soul ties.)

The Breaking of a Tie; Becoming One Instead of Two

There is a traumatic effect when an intimate relationship is broken. It is one of the most painful experiences one may endure. That intimate “connecting” goes to the very depths of one’s heart and soul. When there is a “tearing”, it can greatly disrupt the entire life of a person.

The Scriptures says, “By faith we understand that the worlds were FRAMED by the Word of Elohim…” (Hebrews 11:3). When something is “framed”, like a picture, it is “put together” and made complete. The framed picture becomes something different from the pieces that make it up. It becomes something new. The framed picture is now the whole, while the photo, the wood, glue and nails have lost their own identity as separate pieces. As we look closer at the picture frame, we see connections or “bridges” between the four corner joints. In a relationship, these bridges are called “soul-ties”. They tie the husband and wife together. No longer are they identified as individuals, but “…the TWO shall become ONE…” (Ephesians 5:31). They have become something new, a family.

There are countless relationships that have been “legally” broken where one spouse can’t help being drawn back to the other spouse. That’s because their souls are still tied to their former spouse or lover. Another situation is where a spouse is unable to give himself or herself fully to the other. The problem is a “scattered soul”. Both of these situations are caused from soul-ties that have never been broken. Even though a soul-tie that existed by law was broken when the marriage certificate was cancelled as a result of a certificate of divorce, there still must be a breaking or separating of the soul and spirit.

For the sake of discussion, the terms, “soul-tie”, “double-minded”, “scattered soul” and “divided soul” will be used interchangeably.

A “double-minded” person is a person with a divided soul (See James 1:8). When one’s soul is divided, “…let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from YAHUAH” (James 1:7). We can give and give and give into our marriage but it seems as though we get very little in return. HAVING A SCATTERED, DIVIDED SOUL, AFFECTS OUR RECEIVING, NOT OUR GIVING. “For let not that man suppose that he will RECEIVE anything…” (James 1:7). When our soul is divided, it affects our receiving, not our giving. We may wonder why we can’t receive the love and affection from our spouse that we so desperately need. They tell us that they love us, but somehow it’s not getting through to us. We then conclude, because of our inability to receive, that our spouse is not really “giving” us the affection we need. Untold marriages have unnecessarily failed because of this very reason.

We can see how this seriously affects our trust for the other person. They say they love us, but because we are unable to receive that love, we unconsciously deem them untrustworthy because we are not receiving what they say they are giving. You can see how a person who is double-minded has relationship problems, including their relationship with Elohim.

The Scriptures says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ASK of Elohim, who gives…” (James 1:5). Because we can’t receive what we ask for, we believe that it has never been given, when in fact, it has. So our receiving or rather our inability to receive is based on our soul being tied to someone. In other words, we receive from the person with whom we have soul-ties. A soul-tie is a connection of the heart (See Hebrews 4:12). There are good soul-ties and bad soul-ties. There are soul-ties that produce life in us, and there are soul-ties that produce death in us. Elohim wants us to break the soul-ties that produce death.

Breaking Free

A scattered soul will actually keep us from giving ourselves fully to our mate. If someone has three sexual relations including the relation with their current husband or wife, that would mean that 66% of the person’s heart is tied to someone else. Of course, this is not a direct mathematical equation, but you get my point. The person can’t give 100% of themselves to the other person because they don’t have 100% to give, only 33%. This heart deficiency continues until the soul-ties are broken, and that part of our heart reclaimed. Breaking these soul-ties with the person you’re being divorced from is necessary to be truly free. Breaking the soul-ties of those old relationships can actually save your marriage. Now you are able to freely love your mate with ALL of your heart.

Having a divided soul has primarily two deep-rooted negative effects in relationships. First, it hinders our ability to receive. In other words, the affection that is being given to us does not appear to reach our heart. Second, the capacity in which you can give is limited. Even though we give all our heart, we have only a portion to give. You can only give what’s yours to give. A divided soul does not affect your giving, but it does affect HOW MUCH you have to give.

How are soul-ties formed, and how do we break them? Soul-ties are formed many different ways, and these are just a few of them: by willing or forced sexual relations (See Matthew 19:5, 6, Genesis 24:67, 1Corinthians 6:16), by speaking words of commitment — vows: “I will always love you,” “I will never forget,” “I will always hate you,” becoming soul brothers with someone (See 1Samuel 18:1), by receiving a ring (or item) from someone that represents a covenant agreement. And what I consider to be the most devious method of all is when you are given an item from a friend or relative that has great sentimental value but is, literally, death. (Such items that have been used in witchcraft or the occult.) These kinds of soul-ties are ties to curses. Of course, there are also soul-ties to blessings, but these are not our discussion.

When someone says to us, “This piece of jewelry has been passed down from your great, great Aunt Millie, and I want you to have it”, BEWARE! The devil knows that people (especially females) are sentimental people. If the devil can pass on something that has been used for his purpose, he knows we won’t throw it away and the curse will continue. When there is sentimental value on something, it blinds our eyes (for good or bad) so we will not receive anything bad about that person. Of course, the devil knows that, for it’s one of his schemes to keep us tied to the wrong people, or have bad things happen in our life.

All soul-ties aren’t bad and some are essential. We want our souls fully tied to Messiah. We renew and strengthen that tie by communion and walking by His Spirit. We want to be “one mind” with YAHUAH (See 1Corinthians 2:16, Philippians 4:2). We also want and need this oneness with our mate, being “…no longer two but ONE…” (Matthew 19:6).

Breaking soul-ties and curses is done from the heart, with the mouth, and with the blood and name of Yahuah-Yeshua (See Romans 10:9-10, Revelation 12:11). Be sure your heart is clean before breaking soul-ties and curses. If it’s not, ask YAHUAH Yahuah-Yeshua to forgive you and the other person of those specific sins: such as the sin of willingly having sex with someone when it was wrong.

If you have a piece of jewelry or something from that person, hold it and speak over it, “I break and renounce all covenants and relationships that were sealed by this item (name the item) that they gave me, and now I reclaim and surrender these parts of my life to Your Lordship, dear Yahuah-Yeshua.” Now, get rid of the item. YAHUAH spoke to the heart of someone I know concerning this matter. He said, “Break it. If it won’t break, burn it, and if it won’t burn, bury it!” These Scriptures bear this truth out (See Deuteronomy 7:4, 5, 25, 26 and Isaiah 2:17-21).

Pregnant, Child Out Of Wedlock. Mistake Pregnancy. Unwed Mothers and Fathers.

Being pregnant and not married — having a child out of wedlock does NOT dictate Elohim’s will for marriage! If your parents have told you that you were a “mistake pregnancy” please read the lower portion: “Elohim Has No ‘Mistakes.'”

Elohim’s Will For Marriage Is Not Based On Having A Baby

Being pregnant and having a child outside of wedlock does not dictate Elohim’s will for marriage. Many have gotten married for this reason. Nearly all of those who have married did so because they were taught by the religious system or by their parents that they HAD to marry the father of the child. Some women were raped; other women were reaching out to a male for the affection they never received from their own fathers. Sadly, they discovered that along with the affection they found, came the requirement for them to have sex. Some women found themselves pregnant and their life of sex was exposed. It didn’t matter if they had sex with one or many; you HAD to marry the male who supposedly got you pregnant.

Forcing a pregnant woman to marry may be very commendable for the unborn child, but it’s not totally Elohim’s heart. Even though Elohim desires for every child to have a father, He gave that discretion to the father of the family.

For “if a man seduces a virgin not betrothed [engaged] and lies with her, he shall surely pay a dowry for her to become his wife. [BUT] IF HER FATHER UTTERLY REFUSES TO GIVE HER TO HIM, he shall [still] pay money equivalent to the dowry of virgins” (Exodus 22:16, 17 AMP). Notice that Elohim did not take into consideration at all the fact that the woman got pregnant. THE CONSIDERATION FOR MARRIAGE WAS BASED UPON THE FORNICATION, NOT ON GETTING PREGNANT FROM THE SEXUAL ACTS. THE DISCRETION IS LEFT UP TO THE FATHER OF THE WOMAN, EVEN IF SHE IS PREGNANT. Elohim knows that every situation is different. Because of the authority given to the father to allow his daughter to marry or not to marry, the consequences or blessings rest upon the daughter. Some fathers have made wise choices in allowing their daughters to marry, and some have not. Marrying a person primarily because a baby is involved can remove one further from Elohim’s will and may actually be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Elohim Has No “Mistakes”

Some may feel like you were a “mistake” in life (whether it was by a conception that was not wanted, neglect, rape, incest, having been a “throw-away child” or whatever) but you aren’t.

YAHUAH spoke to my heart one day and said, “I did not predestinate you from a perfect order, BUT FROM AN ORDER THAT WAS OUT OF ORDER.” Meaning, Elohim did not plan the future from a point of everyone being perfect. Instead, He looked into the future and saw all the “mistakes” of life, weighed the attitudes and motives of people’s hearts and said, “It was not their fault. Therefore, THESE are the ones that I have chosen.” Isn’t that grand?

For we have been “…predestinated [from an order that was out of order] according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will… For you see …that not many mighty, not many noble, are called. BUT ELOHIM HAS CHOSEN THE FOOLISH THINGS [THAT’S US] OF THE WORLD TO PUT TO SHAME THE WISE, AND ELOHIM HAS CHOSEN THE WEAK THINGS of the world to put to shame the things that are mighty; AND THE BASE THINGS [THOSE WHO THINK THEY’RE THE LOWEST] OF THE WORLD AND THE THINGS WHICH ARE DESPISED ELOHIM HAS CHOSEN” (Ephesians 1:11, 1Corinthians 1:26-28).

Often, when someone is a victim of someone else’s selfish choice, they feel they’re a lost part of Elohim’s “perfect order.” But it’s the order that’s “out of order” that Elohim has chosen. Be encouraged! Elohim Himself has chosen you. And what a wonderful Elohim He is!

A Christian Right To Divorce.

There is a Spiritual Christian right to divorce for every marriage!
Elohim said to the author, “Son sit down, I want to teach you about divorce.” Many divorced people feel they’ve let Elohim down. But no more! Elohim Himself has spoken on their behalf.

Unsanctified Marriages

We tend to think that EVERY marriage is blessed and seen as Set-Apart by Elohim because of what we’ve been taught, but not every marriage is! Elohim does not call Set-Apart that which is unSet-Apart. Elohim desires us to be like Himself, to be able to “…distinguish between Set-Apart and unSet-Apart, and between unclean and clean” (Leviticus 10:10). If we do not have this discernment, we can make or continue in a fatal marriage. JUST BECAUSE WE ARE MARRIED BY THE LAW, IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT THE LAWGIVER HIMSELF HAS MARRIED US.

Many people stay trapped for years in marriages that Elohim will not bless. Many are abused slaves to their spouse. They cry out, “Why doesn’t Elohim bless our marriage?” Blessings are given to the person who will call upon Him, love Him, and put Him first. Elohim does bless us as much as He can, but many times it falls far short of what we really need because we block Elohim.

Some unsanctified marriages may have a partner who is a homosexual or lesbian. Some husbands even rape their wives. Other marriage partners may be having sex with animals. Others may be very abusive or having sexual pleasures with their children or someone else’s children. Some marriages have deteriorated over time, while others may have been bad from the start. Some unsanctified marriages may not have any outward manifestations of uncleanness at first.

Some of the more common things that cause a marriage partner to be unclean are alcoholism, drugs, lustful sex, or a party spirit. The Scriptures has much to say about being a part of these things. Examples in the Scriptures are found in Ephesians 5:3-12, 1Corinthians 6:9-11, and 1Corinthians 5:1-13.

People live and die without ever experiencing the blessings that Elohim pronounces on a sanctified marriage. They feel trapped and so continue in abusive situations because of what they have been taught (or not taught). For example, you may have been taught that once you’ve been married you can never get a divorce because “Elohim hates divorce”, no matter how wrong, abusive, or unSet-Apart the marriage is. The truth is, Elohim is more for the divorce than He is for the marriage. But He IS able to change a heart to stop the unclean and unrighteous acts if that person will call out and yield their life totally to Him.

Christian Spiritual Submission In Marriage.

There is a KEY to Christian Spiritual submission in marriage and to one another. Submission and rebellion are always for or against someone’s thoughts or ways!

Elohim’s Rule Governing Submission

As we go over various Scriptures concerning submission, note carefully four very important items. Without knowing these boundary lines, we could be submitting to someone who Elohim doesn’t want to control us, perhaps our own spouse.

•Notice first that the submitting we do is to be ONLY to that which is from the heart of Elohim.

•Secondly, there is ALWAYS a resisting to that which is of the devil’s heart.

•Thirdly, there is ALWAYS a drawing near to Elohim.

•And fourthly, there is ALWAYS a moving away from that which is evil.

There is a key to understanding proper submission (submission that is truly ordained of Elohim). This key is found in the Scripture that speaks of the highest order of submission.

THIS IS THE KEY: ALL THAT WHICH THE HIGHEST-ORDER SCRIPTURE SAYS CONCERNING SUBMISSION UNTO ELOHIM MUST HOLD TRUE FOR ALL SUBORDINATE TYPES OF SUBMISSION SCRIPTURES AS WELL. There are servant Scriptures, and there are master Scriptures. “A servant is not greater than his master” (John 15:20a). The following Scripture is a master, the highest-order Scripture regarding submission. ALL other (servant) Scriptures concerning submission cannot carry their own meaning apart from their master. The servant or subordinate Scriptures carry the heart of the master Scripture.

Let’s take a look at the highest-order Scripture for submission:

”Therefore SUBMIT TO ELOHIM [and not to the devil], [but] RESIST THE DEVIL …[and] DRAW NEAR TO ELOHIM…” (James 4:7,8).

This is the highest order of submission that we “submit to Elohim.” Elohim Himself is the Highest! Notice that in submitting to Elohim we are to “resist the devil.” If we are to submit to Elohim, we are submitting to His thoughts and His ways. If we are to resist the devil, we are to resist his thoughts and his ways.

The Scriptures says to “Let the wicked FORSAKE HIS WAY, and the unrighteous man his THOUGHTS; Let him RETURN [TO THE WAYS AND THOUGHTS OF] YAHUAH…” (Isaiah 55:7). YAHUAH is saying that those who have submitted to and embraced any other “thoughts” and any other “ways” than His, have sinned and gone AWAY from YAHUAH. That’s why He says to “return.” YAHUAH continues, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways…” (Isaiah 55:8). Why did YAHUAH say that His thoughts and His ways were not ours, and our ways not His? Because we have accepted someone else’s thoughts and ways and rejected His.

SUBMISSION AND REBELLION ARE ALWAYS FOR OR AGAINST SOMEONE’S THOUGHTS OR WAYS. Elohim wants us to return and submit ONLY to His thoughts and His ways. His thoughts and His ways are only known by knowing Him personally and by knowing what is written in His Word, the Scriptures.

If we return to His ways of thinking and acting, the Scriptures promise: that we “…shall go out with joy, and be led with peace; the mountains and hills shall break forth into singing before you …INSTEAD OF THE THORN shall come up the cypress tree, and INSTEAD OF THE BRIER shall come up the myrtle tree…” (Isaiah 55:12,13). Therefore, if we submit ourselves to someone that leads us to violate Elohim’s Word or our conscience, we are submitting to the devil instead of resisting him. In reality, we resist Elohim.

This highest-order submission Scripture says to “draw near to Elohim.” As we submit to anyone, we should be drawing near to Elohim. Of course, our own selfishness can keep us from drawing closer to Elohim while we submit to another. It may appear like we’re submitting, but we do not have the right attitude or motive in our heart. The right attitude and motive is to please Elohim in all ways. The submission experience should transform us into the likeness of Yahuah-Yeshua Messiah Himself. If we are submitting to the lies of the devil, we are being drawn to our enemy and becoming like him. We are constantly being changed. That change depends upon who is our lord: Elohim and His instructions, or the devil and his instructions.

Submission Always Has Resistance

Let’s examine the subordinate submission Scriptures in light of our submission to Elohim. Spiritual submission is always “to Elohim” and “against the devil.” HaShatanic submission, or haShatan worship is always “to haShatan” and “against Elohim.” SUBMISSION ALWAYS HAS RESISTANCE. When you’re submitting to Elohim by surrendering control to Him, you must resist the “other Elohim”. If you are submitting to the devil and his deeds, you are resisting Elohim. Submission ALWAYS includes surrender AND resistance. For “no man can serve TWO masters…” (Matthew 6:24a).

The highest-order submission Scripture tells us to submit yourself to Elohim: “Therefore, SUBMIT TO ELOHIM [and not to the devil]. [But] RESIST THE DEVIL …[AND] DRAW NEAR TO ELOHIM…” (James 4:7,8).

The subordinate submission Scriptures tells wives to submit to their OWN husbands: “Wives, SUBMIT to your own husbands, AS TO YAHUAH” (Ephesians 5:22). Notice that wives are not to submit to “another man”, but the man of the marriage. More importantly, the submission to the man of the marriage is “AS TO YAHUAH.” What does “as to YAHUAH” mean? And to whom is submission rendered? “As to YAHUAH” is the way a Christian ought to submit to others. Whether it is our spouses, our employer, or those who are in law enforcement or government authorities, the submission that we render to them is the same submission that we would render to YAHUAH Yahuah-Yeshua Himself — “as [we would submit] to YAHUAH.” Meaning, Elohim commands us to resist evil no matter what form it comes in and no matter who it comes through.

We have been taught that we are to blindly follow our spouse, but that is just not true. Elohim set up specific guidelines in His written Word for us so we will not be deceived and do wrong. Elohims’ written Word is our foundation. His Set-Apart Spirit will lead and guide us according to that Word. YAHUAH Himself would not have anyone do anything unspiritual (evil) or under coercion or manipulation. In a marriage, submitting “as to YAHUAH” is submitting to that which is OF YAHUAH in your spouse.

For instance, let’s say that an angel spoke to us to do something evil, we would have NO choice but to resist and say, “No!” The Word of Elohim, which is our instructions on how to submit, says to “Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Resist the devil …[and] draw near to Elohim…” (Romans 12:9, James 4:7, 8), NO MATTER WHO IT IS! Even if it’s “…an angel from heaven …let him be accursed” (Galatians 1:8). The Scripture says to “cling to what is good” (Romans 12:9c).

CLINGING IS SUBMITTING! WHEN IT’S “OF YAHUAH”, YOU SUBMIT “AS TO YAHUAH.” WHEN IT’S NOT “OF YAHUAH”, YOU DON’T SUBMIT “AS TO YAHUAH.” For example, you are not to submit to abuse; it’s not “of YAHUAH.”

Christian Divorce And Remarriage, The Lost Truth.

Divorce and remarriage for the Christian has always been a provision by Elohim in the Scriptures. The truth of divorce and remarriage has been lost over time and erroneous teaching has taken it’s place.

Remarriage Truth

In 1Corinthians 7:27, 28 it says, “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned.”

What we have been taught is that you can ONLY get remarried if your spouse is dead ? period! Therefore, let’s apply this teaching to this scripture. “Are you bound (married) to a wife? Do not seek be loosed (to kill her or to put a contract out on her). Are you loosed from a wife (did you kill her or have her murdered)? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry another woman (after you had your wife killed) you have not sinned.” Can you see the utter silliness of that rationale? This is the proper understanding: “Are you bound (married) to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed (divorced). Are you loosed (divorced) from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry (after you have been divorced), you have not sinned.”

Next, direct your attention to 1Corinthians 7:8, 9 which says, “I say unto the UNMARRIED and the WIDOWS, ‘it is good for them if they abide even as I (meaning to stay single). But if THEY cannot contain (having self-control to stay single) LET THEM MARRY: FOR IT IS BETTER TO MARRY than to burn (with passion for a mate).”

Religion has taught us that the “unmarried” in this Scripture does not refer to anyone who was divorced, only to those who where NEVER MARRIED. If “unmarried” means “NEVER MARRIED,” then why did Paul the Apostle who wrote this letter continue only sixteen verses later say, “NOW concerning VIRGINS…”? Virgins (those who where NEVER MARRIED were NOT of those mentioned who where UNMARRIED. “NOW” he is talking about them?–the virgins?. Before he wasn’t! Then Paul goes on to say that the virgins and those who are UNMARRIED ? “loosed from a wife” (divorced) are in the same category if they marry ? “THEY HAVE NOT SINNED.”

Therefore, 1Corinthians 7:27, 28 properly reads: “Are you bound (married) to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed (divorced). Are you loosed (divorced) from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry (after you have been divorced), you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.”

Widowhood: Being Widowed Is Being Single After A Divorce.

Being single after divorce is NOT a shameful thing! Elohim sees your loss as being widowed, even though His Assembly may not. In Elohim’s eyes, divorce and death are equal. A widow can be a person who has lost their spouse to death or divorce.

The True Widow

The reason that the Assembly in general has blackballed those who have gone through a divorce is because they do not categorize them properly. This is done through misunderstanding of the Scriptures.

The Scriptures says there are “…the unmarried …the widows …[and] the married…” (1Corinthians 7:8-10). The “married” are just that: a man and a woman together in a marriage union. The “unmarried” (which is a general term) are those who are not married: those who were never married, and those who were divorced and never remarried. “Widows” are those who have been married but now do not have a husband because of death or divorce. IN ELOHIM’S EYES, DIVORCE AND DEATH ARE EQUAL.

Because this ministry to the widow is so greatly neglected and misunderstood by the Assembly, yet so dearly loved by Elohim, it is best to establish what qualifies a woman as a widow.

As used in the Scriptures, “widowhood” and “widow”, are both from one Hebrew word, alman, which means “discarded (as a divorced person), forsaken.”16

The root meaning of being a “widow” is that you are divorced or forsaken by your husband. The method by which the spouse is left without a husband is immaterial.

In the Scriptures, when a woman identified herself as a widow, depending for what purpose, she indicated specifically HOW she was widowed.

For instance, in 2Samuel 14:5, as a woman addresses the king, she said, “I am a WIDOW woman, AND MY HUSBAND IS DEAD” (KJV). Being a widow meant more than being without a husband. It meant you had a husband but he either died, he deserted you, or you were divorced. This woman had to be specific in identifying how she was widowed to the king. If being a widow did not include being a divorced person as well, it would have been very foolish for her to say, “My husband is dead and my husband is dead.” That’s what it would have sounded like to the king, if “widow” only meant “my husband is dead.”

That woman experienced widowhood because her husband died. In the next situation, these women experienced widowhood WHILE THEIR FORMER HUSBANDS WERE STILL ALIVE.

Again, the king was involved. This time, it was not a widow addressing him, but he was making his concubines into “widows”. “And the king took the ten women, his concubines whom he had left to keep the house, and put them in seclusion and supported them, but did not go in to them. So they were shut up to the day of their death, LIVING IN WIDOWHOOD” (2Samuel 20:3). These women, being separated from their husband David, became widows while David was STILL ALIVE.

Widowhood has the connotation of the breaking of the “sex union” by death, divorce or desertion. For King David “did not go in to them”. A marriage is more than just living under the same roof together; it’s a loving and physical relationship with our spouse. For “…they are NO LONGER TWO but one flesh” (Matthew. 19:6a).

Failure as a Husband – Marriage and Divorce

The husband has a vital role in producing unity in the marriage relationship. If he fails in doing his part in the marriage, divorce is likely. Relationship in marriage and divorce primarily lie in the hands of the husband.

Relationship in Marriage

When a man and a woman go through a marriage ceremony, Elohim places upon them a debt they must pay. The debt is to “owe no one anything EXCEPT to love [each other]…” (Romans 13:8). A major part of this lack of love in the family is because of the man’s failure as a husband. The husband has a vital role in producing love, which is Elohim’s nature, in a family. Because “…the husband is head of the wife, AS ALSO Messiah is head of the Assembly…” (Ephesians 5:23), a great responsibility is placed upon him by Elohim to lay down his life for his family.

As I was walking, seeking Elohim late one night, He revealed to me that the continual flow of love that’s needed between a husband and wife starts with the husband. Let me explain. The number one need of a man is companionship: having his wife as his playmate in those things that interest HIM and give HIM relaxation and pleasure. But that is NOT the number one need of a woman. The number one need of a woman is affection. Because the number one needs are different for a man and a woman, it presents a problem. That is, if a husband naturally expresses himself to his wife, he will overlook her needs to fulfill his own. And if a wife naturally expresses herself to her husband, she will overlook his needs to fulfill her own. A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS BASED UPON SOMEONE GIVING UP HIS/HER NUMBER ONE NEED TO SATISFY THE NEED OF THE OTHER.

Elohim said to me, “Son, My Son gave up His number one need for His bride, the Assembly.” Then Elohim quoted this Scripture to me: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Messiah also loved the Assembly AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR HER” (Ephesians 5:25). I then understood that until Yahuah-Yeshua’ death, He did not seek to have His wife the Assembly to be a companion or to bring Him comfort. He gave up His own need of companionship. Instead, He poured His life into His bride, the Assembly.

The reason Yahuah-Yeshua did this is so “THAT HE MIGHT SANCTIFY AND CLEANSE HER …THAT HE MIGHT PRESENT HER TO HIMSELF A GLORIOUS ASSEMBLY [WIFE], not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be Set-Apart and without blemish. SO HUSBANDS OUGHT TO LOVE THEIR OWN WIVES…” (Ephesians 5:26-28).

It follows that a husband is to lay aside his main need, choosing to continually meet the primary need of his wife by pouring his life into her. She, in turn, becomes the companion that the husband so desperately needs. The seed to the husband’s own need for companionship is found in the very affection he gives to his wife. This affection “seed” goes deep into the womb of his wife’s heart, germinates, and companionship is birthed toward her husband. This is the cycle of unity or oneness in a family. The husband lays aside his need for companionship and meets his wife’s need for affection. After his wife becomes pregnant with companionship from the seed of affection, she in turn becomes that loving friend the husband so desperately needs. If there is no unity or oneness in a marriage, this cycle is broken. The wife by herself is unable to produce out of herself the companionship for her husband unless there is already a common interest.

The source of unity in the family flows out of the wife’s heart. However, she alone is unable to bring unity to her family no matter how hard she tries. The husband himself cannot birth unity because he only carries the seed. HENCE, THE HUSBAND MUST FIRST PLANT THE SEED OF AFFECTION IN HIS WIFE’S HEART, THEN UNITY WILL FLOW OUT AND THEY WILL BECOME ONE.

When the husband is pouring affection into his wife’s heart, she in turn becomes his companion and friend. As this is combined with an intimate sexual relationship, the marriage will be one of the most fulfilling and satisfying experiences of life. “Let the husband RENDER to his wife THE AFFECTION DUE her [Notice this happens first!], and likewise, also the wife to her husband…. “ (1Corinthians 7:3-5).

Marriage & Love Relationship: A Complete Marriage.

There are four types of love that MUST be present at the same time in any marriage and love relationship to make a complete marriage. When ANY of these loves are missing, it leaves a gapping hole in the relationship. (Strive to keep these four types of love active in your marriage. It will keep it secure!)

A Complete Marriage

A marriage relationship is built over a lifetime. There are four kinds of “love” needed to make a marriage relationship complete. They are AGAPE, PHILEO, STORGE, and EROS. All are essential in a marriage.

The highest form of these types of love is agape. Agape love is an unconditional love. It loves when all other types of love quit, and cares when there is no apparent reason to care. This love comes from Elohim into a person when they ask Yahuah-Yeshua to come into their heart and to be their Lord and Savior. Elohim is our example. He “…demonstrates HIS OWN LOVE [agape] toward us, in that while we were STILL SINNERS, MESSIAH DIED FOR US” (Romans 5:8). He likewise commands all husbands to “…love [agape] your wives AS MESSIAH ALSO LOVED THE ASSEMBLY AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR HER” (Ephesians 5:25).

People make friends with others according to the kind of car they drive or what kind of clothes they wear, or their status in society. The agape love of Elohim goes past the surface, enabling us to look deep into our mate’s heart and love them for who Elohim has made them to be despite their faults and shortcomings.

Phileo love is the kind of love that makes agape love enjoyable. Phileo love is having tender affection toward your mate. Most friendships are built on phileo love. Phileo love is that “something” that you see in another person that draws you to be their friend. It’s one thing to unconditionally love (agape) someone who you don’t like to be around because they irritate you.

It’s quite another thing to unconditionally love someone who is tenderly affectionate (phileo) toward you. THE TENDER AFFECTION OF PHILEO LOVE MAKES THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OF AGAPE ENJOYABLE. It’s the joy of the friendship!

It has been said that phileo love is a human love. If that were the case, then why does Elohim the Father, who is NOT a human, but a Spirit, phileo love Yahuah-Yeshua His Son and us? Yahuah-Yeshua said, “For the FATHER HIMSELF LOVES (phileo) YOU, because you have loved (phileo) Me…” (John 16:27).

Elohim’s desire for the husband and wife is that they tenderly love (phileo) each other while they overlook each other’s faults and failures (agape).

Another kind of love needed in a marriage is storge. Storge is a physical show of affection that results from a pure motive. It may be a hug, a kiss, or another expression of genuine affection. Because males are different than females, the wife usually needs this kind of love more from her husband. It is important for the husband to set aside his need of companionship and meet his wife’s main need, which is affection.

Eros love is needed to make a marriage. Eros is the fulfillment of the physical sexual desire that a husband and wife show toward each other. It’s when “…the two …become ONE FLESH” (Matthew 19:5).

When all four types of love operate in a marriage, the marriage is complete. A picture of a complete marriage is a husband and wife who lay down their life for each other (agape love) no matter how many times the other offends them or causes them to have ill feelings. They both have tender affection toward each other (phileo love). They enjoy each other’s company because they’re best friends. Because they enjoy each other so much, they hug, kiss, hold hands and do nice things for their mate (storge love). Because their hearts are filled with agape, phileo and storge, a warm passionate desire arises within both of them to enjoy each other sexually (eros). Now, that kind of Elohim-centered marriage will weather ANY storm.

We must nurture and protect ALL of these different kinds of love in our marriage. Negligence of any kind of love leaves a gaping hole in our relationship. To show you the significance and impact of this on our relationship, let’s remove one type of love at a time and see how incomplete the other three are alone.

The Missing Link

Let’s take out the highest form of love first, agape. Since agape love is unselfish the thing that will be prevalent, is selfishness. Human nature in itself is very selfish. Agape love influences and dominates all the other types of love. Selfishness will dominate phileo love. The friendship of the relationship will have a predominate undertone of “how can the friendship satisfy ME.” “If I act a certain pleasing way, I can get this.” Storge, that physical show of affection will diminish because “self” does not see it as important unless IT wants something.

Eros, the passionate desire for sex, becomes one sided. When phileo love is missing, the caring and unconditional love will still be intact, but there will be a lack of friendship in the marriage. That gooey show of affection of storge will not be as prevalent. The need for sex of eros love will be more out of honor or duty.

Storge, that physical show of affection, is normal when phileo and agape love are intact. Storge love is usually missing because of emotional or psychological problems. The wounds that were inflected from trauma, neglect or some other issue of the past must be worked through; otherwise, one partner may feel a measure of rejection because they believe that their partner does not want to be affectionate to them. It’s not that they don’t want to, but that their heart will not give them the liberty to express it.

This, of course will affect the eros love. The couple’s sex life will diminish. Most likely sex will be a result of need, rather than the passionate desire that arises from the affection of storge love.

 

Interracial Marriage Relationships – Intercultural Marriage.

Intercultural – Interracial marriage relationships. A race is correctly defined as an “ethnic group”, NOT a class of people, or a people with a peculiar look or a different skin color. YAHUAH made from one person, every nation!

Marrying Outside Your Race

“Did you know that most science books say there are at least four races of humans — and that these books are all wrong? A scientist, speaking at a recent American Association for The Advancement of Science Convention, gives the correct answer about ‘Race’: ‘Race is a social construct derived mainly from perceptions conditioned by events of recorded history, and it has no basic biological reality.’ What this person is saying is that, biologically, there is only one race of human beings. After all, all humans are classified as ‘Homo Sapiens.’” 2

For “Elohim, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth… He gives to all life, breath, and all things. AND HE MADE FROM ONE BLOOD [FROM ONE PERSON, ADAM] EVERY NATION [EVERY ETHNIC GROUP] OF MEN TO DWELL ON ALL THE FACE OF THE EARTH…” (Acts17: 24-26).

THEREFORE, A “RACE” IS CORRECTLY DEFINED AS AN “ETHNIC GROUP ? A PEOPLE WHO HOLD TO A PARTICULAR CULTURE”, NOT A CLASS OF PEOPLE, OR A PEOPLE WITH A PECULIAR LOOK, OR A DIFFERENT SKIN COLOR. YAHUAH made from one person, every nation. Actually, the word “nation” in the Greek text means “ethnic group.” A race is not the people themselves, but their ethnic group — their culture. You can have two of any color of the same people, and have different races (ethnic groups). That is the way it is at this moment around this world, and it has been like this from the beginning of time. Our own prejudices have twisted it.

No bloodline is pure. Not even YAHUAH Yahuah-Yeshua, who was from the tribe of Judah, a Jew, had a pure bloodline. ELOHIM’S DESIRE IS TO HAVE DIFFERENT CULTURES, NOT PURE BLOODLINES.

Now that “race” has been correctly defined, let’s look further into marrying outside of one’s race. Some say that the race of a person is done away with regarding marriage to those who are born again in Messiah — it doesn’t matter who one marries. The race of a person is done away with concerning being born again into the family of Elohim, but not concerning marriage. Let me explain:

The Scripture says that in Messiah “There is neither Jew nor Greek …there is neither male nor female…” (Galatians 3:28). There are no ethnic or gender barriers. ALL who have become children of Elohim through the shed blood of Messiah have the same covenantal rights in the family of Elohim, according to the portion that Messiah gives to each one. This is Elohim’s plan: to have a many-membered, many-cultured body, not only in the Body of Messiah, but also in all of society. Elohim’s call has gone out, that “…WHOEVER calls on the name of YAHUAH shall be saved” (Romans 10:13).

If this Scripture, Galatians 3:28, which says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek…THERE IS NEITHER MALE NOR FEMALE…” were true regarding marriage and marrying outside one’s race, then the part that says, “there is neither male nor female” must apply to the marriage partners also, meaning, male can marry male and female can marry female.

In seeing this, we know that this Scripture cannot and does not pertain to marriage, because Elohim hates the practice of homosexuality. He says that those men who are “…leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, AND RECEIVING IN THEMSELVES THE PENALTY OF THEIR ERROR WHICH WAS DUE…who knowing the righteous judgment of Elohim, that THOSE WHO PRACTICE SUCH THINGS ARE DESERVING OF DEATH…” (Romans 1:27,32). But as far as the race of a person is in the Assembly, it has been done away with in Messiah. There are no barriers to who our brother and sister are in YAHUAH. For “…[we] are ALL ONE in Messiah Yahuah-Yeshua” (Galatians 3:28b).

Elohim loves diversity. He created diversity. This diversity is not only in the plant, animal, and fish world, but also of the people of the earth who are the crown of His creation and the affection of His heart!


Let’s sum it up:

1. Color has absolutely no bearing on the matter of marriage. (It is that people see the “outward” appearance of people and judge them that way. All racism comes from pride or fear. Pride because they believe they are better, fear because they are afraid of the unknown.”)

2. Elohim wants a many-membered many-cultured body. That is what makes the beauty of this world in spite of what some people may think.

3. Elohim has always brought people from one culture into another. That is what a missionary is. He has always said to accept strangers (other cultures) as your own family when they “adopt” (my word) Him and His culture as their own. The general rule is that the culture should always grow within itself. However, He has always brought people from one culture to be apart of another. Whether it is through marriage or not. And that happens every day. It is just not the “general” rule.

Also, see our teaching on how culture impacts the decision of an interracial marriage at The Three Levels of Truth.

Elohim’s Grace for Divorce: Elohim’s Peace in the Storm

Elohim has peace and grace for every divorce. In fact, His peace and grace is what causes a divorce in a number of situations. Remember, Elohim’s peace will always separate us from that which is unlike Elohim to that which is like Elohim.

Two Types of Peace

There are two types of “peace.” One type of peace is between “Elohim and man” (See Luke 2:13,14) and the other type of peace is between “man and man” (See Matthew 10:32-34, John 14:27). This word peace means “to join,” or “to set at one, again.”7

The peace between man and man is the “…peace the world gives…” (John 14:27). The peace between Elohim and man is from Elohim himself. Yahuah-Yeshua gave us His peace so we can be joined to Him. “Peace I leave with you, MY PEACE I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you” (John 14:27). Whenever there is peace between two parties, it causes a joining.

Whenever there is strife (enmity) between two parties, it causes a separation. Because peace brings unity, there is a constant battle raging for our soul. The world is battling for us to be joined to its ways, while Elohim is battling for us to be joined to Him.

And whomever we chose to join, we by default become separated from the other. The daily question of our lives is, “Will we be at peace with Elohim or the world?”

When it was time for Yahuah-Yeshua to come and to be born in the earth, the angels praised Elohim, saying “Glory to Elohim in the highest, and on earth PEACE, good will TOWARD MEN!” (Luke 2:14). Notice this peace was from Elohim, “toward men,” not “between” man and man. The way for Elohim and man to “be at one again” had arrived: Yahuah-Yeshua, the Son of Elohim Himself (See Romans 5:1).

The Nature of Peace

Many relationships today do not have peace, mainly because we don’t understand what peace is, whom it’s from, whom it’s for, and what its purpose is. The true understanding of the peace of Elohim is found in the book of Hebrews. Pay particular attention to the word “chastening,” and how it’s used.

“If you endure chastening, Elohim deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, BUT HE FOR OUR PROFIT, THAT WE MAY BE PARTAKERS OF HIS HOLINESS. Now no CHASTENING seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it YIELDS the PEACEABLE FRUIT of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:7-11).

Notice that “chastening” is a SEED of “peace.” Otherwise, how could it “yield” the “peaceable fruit” of righteousness? Everything produces after it’s own kind (See Genesis 1:11). You must have a “peace” tree to produce “peaceable fruit.” And you must have “peace” seeds to grow a “peace” tree. Therefore chastening, which is receiving correction in our lives, is the “seed” of peace. Going through the process of correcting a situation in our life is not always peaceful, but AFTERWARDS, it leads to peace.

We all want peace in our families. But we have misunderstood not WHAT peace is, but rather, WHO peace is and what He’s like. “For HE HIMSELF [Yahuah-Yeshua] IS OUR PEACE, WHO HAS MADE BOTH ONE, and has broken down the middle wall of separation” (Ephesians 2:14). To understand Elohim’s peace, we must keep in mind its definition and more importantly, its nature: which is “to join, or set at one again.” It’s incredible to think of peace as something or someone that has an aggressive nature, even to the point of causing the “walls” in our lives that are separating Him from us to be “broken down,” especially if these walls are relationships.

The reason for this aggressive nature of Elohim’s peace is to preserve. Elohim’s peace will do whatever it takes to join us back to Him, but only if we yield. The peace of Elohim is released in us through our relationship with Him. His peace causes a separation in our lives of what is, and what is not of Elohim. “Now may the Elohim of peace Himself SANCTIFY [SEPARATE] YOU COMPLETELY; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body BE PRESERVED BLAMELESS at the coming of our Lord Yahuah-Yeshua Messiah” (1Thessalonians 5:23).

“And [ultimately] the Elohim of peace will crush HaShatan under your feet shortly” (Romans 16:20). The peace of Elohim works in every area of our life to bring us to Elohim.

The Separating Power of Peace

The old cliché “Don’t rock the boat” is used many times to describe “peace.” Even when there is a mutual agreement not to make waves, it is not true peace. True peace always carries with it a separating unto that which is Set-Apart, pure or true. When Elohim’s peace comes into a situation where the righteous and unrighteous mix, there will be separating, chastisement or war (See 1Corinthians 7:15, Hebrews 12:7-11, Romans 16:20).

If we do not have peace in our families or homes, it is because we have not allowed peace to “rule” the affairs of our lives (See Colossians 3:15). Peace will lead us out of wrong situations. It will separate us unto YAHUAH Himself. Most of the time, this process is not what we would call “peaceful.” In fact, sometimes it can become very violent (See Romans 16:20, Colossians 1:20).

Most of the time the peace of Elohim upsets the proverbial “apple cart” of our lives. This explains why husbands and wives, and those in close relationships have such a difficult time making decisions that “appear” to cause separation. Hence, THE PATH TO TRUE PEACE IS ALWAYS UNITY AFTER SEPARATION!

To illustrate the meaning of peace “to be set at one, again” in another way, I’m going to speak of two classes of people: the Christian and the non-Christian, those who know and those who do not know YAHUAH Yahuah-Yeshua in a personal way. In fact, Elohim recognizes only two types of people in the world: those who know Him and those who need to.

We tend to socialize with those people who are like us, or those we want to be like. Hence, “birds of a feather do flock together.” That is, we socialize with those who have the same heart motivations, the same attitudes, the same hurts and dysfunctions, the same talents and gifts. This explains why even Christians tend to embrace that which is unlike Elohim. It’s an inward hurt, an unsanctified area of the heart that wants to reunite with its like nature, and be at peace. Because of this, there is a continual battle raging.

Before coming to Elohim, we were all part of this fallen world. We didn’t know Elohim personally. We only knew about Him. Because we have been born again and not part of this fallen sinful world, the peace “of the world” is continually pulling us back to itself through the influence of the parts of our heart that have not yet been changed by the power of Elohim. This is called “the old nature” (See John 14:27). This is why there are battles going on in our hearts. Thus, the peace of the world is trying to unify itself at the same time as the peace of Elohim.

Therefore, TO BE AT PEACE, YOU MUST WAR TO SEPARATE. We can see this as “the flesh lusts [puts hard pressure] against the Spirit, and the Spirit [puts hard pressure] against the flesh” (Galatians 5:17). This is why sin feels good for a season (See Hebrews 11:25). It’s because of the peace it brings when it unites with the sinful area of our heart. We can now understand why many people stay in the “comfort zone”; the carnal nature is at peace with those activities. To get to where we are led by the Spirit of Elohim, the peace of Elohim will separate our lives from the carnal ways we live, hence tipping our world up-side down. Nevertheless, by the grace of Elohim, we will ultimately be at peace with Elohim and not the world.

Peace and marriage go hand-in-hand. We can’t have a true marriage without peace (See 1Corinthians 7:15), nor can we have a relationship with Elohim without peace between Him and us (See Ephesians 2:14-18). If we want to be at peace with Elohim and have peace in our family, we must make those tough decisions to allow peace to rule. YAHUAH never said it was going to be easy, but it will be much better.

Lead By the Spirit of Elohim Through a Divorce

Being led by the Spirit of Elohim through a divorce is crucial. He wants you to acknowledge Him in ALL your ways and ALL your steps — ESPECIALLY through something as critical as a divorce. Elohim extends His hands of Love to walk you through.

Led by the Spirit of Elohim Through a Divorce

We must not forget Elohim is with us when He’s getting us out of a marriage. This may seem confusing, but remember: if Elohim is FOR the marriage, He will lead you INTO it; if Elohim is FOR the divorce, He will lead you OUT of the marriage. If Elohim is against a marriage or a divorce, He will lead you away from it. In all situations, He will lead you to Himself so you can find His heart on the matter if you seek Him.

Being led by the Spirit of Elohim through a divorce is crucial. There are many steps YAHUAH will take a spouse through as He leads them through a divorce. Maybe it’s praying to know the right timing of the divorce itself. Maybe it’s deciding which spouse will actually do the divorcing or who will physically stay in the house and who will leave. We need to pray with right motives. We need to have forgiveness in our heart toward our spouse. We need daily direction from Elohim for all those major decisions both before and after the final separation. Most importantly, we need to receive the deep work that Elohim wants to do in our own heart so we don’t repeat old sins and mistakes but become changed more and more into His likeness.

Elohim wants to direct ALL of our life. For “in ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct [ALL] your paths” (Proverbs 3:6).

Being led by the Spirit of Elohim through a divorce will leave us free and at peace. When we go through a divorce being led by what is called “the flesh,” we will not be at peace or rest.  On the contrary, we may be legally divorced but we will still be bound by unforgiveness, resentment, anger and blame. As the Spirit of Elohim leads us out of the marriage, He will lead us to “…bless those who curse you, [and to] do good to those who hate you, and [to] pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). As we willfully do these actions our heart will be transformed, enabling us to walk in love for those who hate the very ground we walk on.

Being led out of the marriage by the flesh (which is bitterness, resentment, anger, unforgiveness, and other wrong attitudes and motives) will cause our heart to change also. The change will not be for the better, but for the worse. The difference between those who have gone through traumatic emotional situations whose hearts are now healed and those whose hearts aren’t, is that the one who is healed worked through their pain with Elohim. The one who is not healed did not work through their pain even though they may know Elohim personally. That is the reason some people will not take peace and a changed heart to their new marriage. The prime reason we don’t work through the pain of those damaged areas of our heart is because the road to healing and wholeness seems to hurt more than the traumatic incident(s) we experienced. If we will not allow the time, exercise courage with focused determination to press on to wholeness despite the pain we feel, the next marriage will end in divorce or fall far short of the happiness and joy that a marriage can bring. We must allow Elohim to do His full work in our heart no matter how long it takes or how much it hurts. Then we will find ourselves gradually rejoicing in the ongoing change that Elohim is secretly doing inside.

What ELOHIM has Joined Together…

After Elohim said He wanted to teach me about divorce, the second statement He said was, “When I said, ‘What ELOHIM has joined together, let no man (the marriage partners) pull apart’ pertains to what ELOHIM has put together.” He also said, “I did not say, ‘What Elohim has put together let not Elohim pull apart. I’m Sovereign!'”

Did Elohim Join Us Together?

Therefore, what ELOHIM has joined…” (Matthew 19:6b).

It is commonly believed that every marriage between a man and a woman is “joined” by Elohim and Elohim’s blessings are on the marriage. We see from the Scriptures of Ezra, chapter 9 and 10, and Nehemiah, chapter 13 that this is just not true. Let me take this to an extreme to more clearly reveal this truth.

Would Elohim come to a wedding of a man and a woman who are professing active worshipers of haShatan? Would Elohim “witness” this marriage and pronounce His blessing on them when this couple actively serves another Elohim and renounces the Elohim of all creation? Do you think Elohim would have a close intimate relationship with the devil and at the same time command us to “…have NO fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but …[tells us to] …expose them…” (Ephesians 5:11). Whatever Elohim commands us to do, He Himself does.

Another type of marriage that Elohim has no part of is a homosexual marriage. For “you shall not lie with a male as with a woman. IT IS AN ABOMINATION” (Leviticus 18:22). “Therefore, Elohim also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves …for even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise, also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful …and they did not like to retain Elohim in their knowledge…” (Romans 1:24,26-28). Do you think Elohim actually joins these people in a Set-Apart marriage when He Himself condemns the marriage itself?

ELOHIM DOES NOT JOIN TOGETHER WHAT HE DOES NOT APPROVE! However, He does allow a marriage to continue when one spouse gets saved provided that the spouse who is now His child is able to pursue a Spiritual lifestyle with his or her children. In this case, the entire family is blessed; otherwise, divorce is in order.

The Scripture that commands us not to pull apart “what Elohim has put together” deals with “what ELOHIM has put together!” If Elohim did not put the marriage together, we shouldn’t be in it in the first place. If we are in such a marriage, we can get out.

Each bad marriage has a different set of circumstances. Therefore, the guidelines are: you and your children must be safe and have a good environment at home; you must be able to fully pursue a devoted lifestyle to Elohim. If this is the case, Elohim will sanctify the marriage and the family because of the Set-Apart life of the Spiritual spouse (See 1Corinthians 7:12-16).

Did We Join Ourselves Together?

If Elohim did not join us together, then WE must have joined ourselves together. And if we chose to join ourselves together, we are not in a position to receive the same blessings on our marriage that Elohim gives to a couple He has joined together.

Elohim’s people who have “…married the daughter [or son] of a foreign Elohim …[they] cover the alter of YAHUAH with tears, with weeping and crying; so He [ELOHIM] DOES NOT REGARD THE OFFERING [OF OUR PRAYERS] ANYMORE, NOR RECEIVE IT WITH GOODWILL FROM YOUR HANDS. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’” (Malachi 2:11b, 13,14a). When there is a marriage or divorce that Elohim does not approve of, we can be assured that Elohim will not pronounce His blessing upon it, or answer our prayers, unless we repent and make right the situation that we did outside of His will.

Since “…there is NO authority except from Elohim, and the authorities that exist are appointed by Elohim” (Romans 13:1b), ONE CAN BE “JOINED TOGETHER” BY THE EXECUTORS OF ELOHIM’S LAW WITHOUT RECEIVING THE BLESSINGS OF THE LAWGIVER HIMSELF.

If Elohim does not “witness” a marriage, if it is not approved by Him, it doesn’t matter who we have to perform the wedding. It could be a justice of the peace, a judge, pastor, priest or whoever. If Elohim does not approve it, it’s not approved! The state’s governing laws pertaining to age, citizenship, family relationship, or sex may approve the marriage. But these laws only govern a man from the outside. The Scriptures, Elohim’s Word, governs a man from the inside, because it “…is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul [where a couple is joined together] and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

IF WE WANT OUR MARRIAGE TO BE BLESSED BY ELOHIM, ELOHIM MUST APPROVE OF OUR MARRIAGE, otherwise, we will receive the very minimum amount of blessings from Elohim, if any. If we do not repent but continue in our stubbornness, we “are treasuring up for …[ourselves] …wrath …” (Romans 2:5). Then we wonder why Elohim allowed this to happen? How did we get into this terrible relationship anyway? We blame everybody but ourselves.

Let No Man Put Asunder (Pull Apart).

Elohim’s guarantee in His covenant to every Christian is that they have the absolute right and command to serve Him whole-heartedly without exception, otherwise divorce is His will. Therefore, when Elohim say’s, “… let no man put asunder,” man (the marriage partners) are NOT pulling the marriage apart, HE IS!

Who is the Man?

“Is it lawful for a MAN to divorce…” (Matthew 19:3).

“Therefore what Elohim has joined together, let no MAN put asunder [ apart ]” (Matthew 19:6b).

Who is this “man”? Who is the one promoting the separation? Can anybody outside the marriage divorce the husband and wife if they themselves did not want to be divorced? Of course not! You may be able to physically separate the husband and wife from each other, but not the marriage or “oneness” that they possess in their hearts. The “man” in Matthew 19:3b, 6b are the marriage partners. “Therefore what Elohim has joined together, let not …[the marriage partners] …separate” (Matthew 19:6b).

The Scripture is saying, concerning a Elohim-ordained marriage, not to let the original desire to separate or divorce, grow out of the husband’s or wife’s heart. The Scripture does NOT say, “therefore what Elohim has joined together, let not ELOHIM separate,” but “let not man (the marriage partners) separate” out of self-gratification.

There is a vast difference between us doing something from our own self-gratification, and us carrying out the loving will of our heavenly Father. The very actions themselves that we carry out may appear to “look” the same, but the unseen part that makes the difference between a sinful act and a righteous act, is the desire of your heart. DIVORCE ITSELF IS NOT WRONG, BUT WHEN IT’S USED FOR SELFISH PLEASURE, IT IS!

Elohim Brings Together and Elohim Pulls Apart

We act as though we believe that once Elohim has “joined together” a man and a woman, that He somehow loses His sovereign position as Elohim, and cannot separate the two if the situation warrants it. As we have just read from Ezra and Nehemiah, that is just not so. Elohim is Elohim! For “…He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens” (Romans 9:18). (See also Exodus 33:19.)

We see Elohim using His sovereign right to remove the kingdom, a type of family headship, from one of the greatest kings ever: Solomon. “[For] …King Solomon loved many foreign women …[For] …YAHUAH had said to the children of Israel, ‘YOU SHALL NOT INTERMARRY WITH THEM, NOR THEY WITH YOU. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their Elohims…’ So YAHUAH became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned from YAHUAH Elohim of Israel. Therefore YAHUAH said to Solomon, ‘BECAUSE YOU HAVE DONE THIS [married against My will], and have not kept My covenant and My statutes, which I have commanded you, I WILL SURELY TEAR THE KINGDOM AWAY FROM YOU and give it to your servant’” (1Kings 11:1,2,9,11).

It has been wrongly taught that breaking a marriage covenant should NEVER be done. But we forget that Elohim is jealous for a righteous Set-Apart-living people. When we join into covenant agreements that fly right in the face of His will, be assured that He will expect us to correct it; not just to keep on going as if nothing had happened and ask Him to “bless” it.

The vow, “to death do us part” that we make at our wedding is not found in the Scriptures. We can’t even keep ourselves by our OWN strength in the love of Elohim, and yet we are going to commit ourselves to love someone else forever? A scriptural vow that would be more appropriate to promise one another on our wedding day would be: “By the GRACE OF ELOHIM, AND THROUGH HIS STRENGTH, I GIVE myself to you all the days of my life, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish….” For in ourselves we are weak.

However, because of being born again into Messiah, we CAN do all things through Messiah who gives us the strength through His grace (See Philippians 4:13). As we yield our heart to Elohim, everyday His glorious love will flow from Him, through us, and to our mate. The only thing that will ever separate our hearts on this earth is when we pass on to meet our Maker.

The Scripture that says for us to, “have no other Elohims before [you]” (Exodus 20:3) deals with relationship. For RELATIONSHIP IS COVENANT! Therefore, if there is a relationship in our life that we want more than what YAHUAH Elohim wants us to have, we are in covenant relationship outside of His will. When Elohim’s relationship with us is interfered with by another relationship, He will ask us to make the proper adjustments in our heart or break the relationship. If we won’t give the relationship its proper place or separate on our own, He Himself will start the process for it to break. The very bonds of the relationship will start to crumble and many times, it isn’t pleasant.

That’s what happened to King Solomon; “…because you have done this [you entered a marriage covenant you weren’t supposed to], and have not kept MY covenant …I will surely tear the kingdom away from you…” (1Kings 11:11). Elohim, in revealing the steadfastness of His heart, used King Solomon as an example to the future generations.

A Nation: A Reflection of Marriages

Why does Elohim command us not to marry outside of His family, and specifically, for us to ask Him to choose our mate for us? What is behind HaShatan’s strategy in hurrying us to marry without first seeking Elohim and waiting for the mate that He is so delightfully preparing for us?

Elohim is the one who created the earth and the fullness thereof. The whole world and all of creation was given to the first man, Adam to rule over. Adam gave it over to HaShatan and now both righteousness and evil cohabitate in the same world (See Luke 4:6, Proverbs 18:21). Because of this there must be a separation between the two natures. Therefore, we must choose between the nature of “Life,” and the nature of “Death” (See Deuteronomy 30:19).

HaShatan’s strategy for the husband or wife is to have an unrighteous spouse, thereby mixing the Spiritual with the unspiritual and producing unrighteous children. Because the children are our future leaders, they will lead the people away from Elohim and from doing right. “For righteous exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people” (Proverbs 14:34). Moreover, when a fair portion of that generation of children lives out their corruption and unrighteous, the future of the nation is in jeopardy. Therefore in this case, separation and divorce is a method to save.

When the desire to marry comes from our own selfish heart, for our own selfish purpose, and for our own selfish gratification, you can be assured that disaster is looming in the air. “Did not Solomon, King of Israel, sin by these things? Yet among many nations there was no king like him, who was beloved of his Elohim; and Elohim made him King over all Israel. Nevertheless, pagan women caused even him to sin” (Nehemiah 13:26). This caused Solomon’s whole nation to crumble, because families make up a nation.

Therefore, when separating or divorce comes from Elohim’s heart through man, it’s to save people. That is whether the marriage went bad, or was bad from the beginning. Elohim is doing the separating to have a righteous people, for “righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.”

The 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 (1 Cor 7 ) Misunderstanding of a “Marriage Separation” versus a “Divorce Separation.”

In 1 Corinthians 7 a “marriage separation” is different than a “divorce separation.” When a spouse is “separated” from their husband or wife they STILL have a husband or wife. When there is a divorce and the spouses “separate” they do not have a husband or wife to go back to. Hence, a “separation” is defined by the preceding word (marriage or divorce) that gives it it’s proper definition.

When Man Separates, It Can Be Temporary

Divorce or separation can be either temporary or permanent, depending on who the initiator is. If it’s man, the divorce or separation can be temporary, but when it’s Elohim, the divorce is permanent.

First, let’s look at the initiator being man. This is when the desire for a divorce flows out of a spouse’s own selfish heart, not from Elohim’s heart to the spouse.

Suppose a marriage partner initiates a divorce (not a separation):

The Scriptures says, “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that …he has found some uncleanness in her, and HE WRITES her a certificate of divorce …sends her out of his house …and goes and BECOMES ANOTHER MAN’S WIFE, if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, THEN her former husband who divorced her MUST NOT TAKE HER BACK to be his wife…” (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). When WE have divorced our spouse from our own selfish heart, we can take them back — remarry them, if they have not already remarried. However, if they have already married someone else and their spouse divorced them or died, we are not allowed to marry them again. And if we do, it’s an abomination to Elohim, for it brings sin on our home and country (See Deuteronomy 24:4).

Now let’s look at one of the marriage partners initiating a separation (not a divorce):

“…A wife is not to DEPART from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried OR BE RECONCILED TO HER HUSBAND. And a husband is not to divorce his wife” (1Corinthians 7:10-11).

This Scripture is NOT referring to a finalized legal divorce, but a “separation” only. The Greek word used for “depart” is chorizo, and it means “to place room between, to separate.” This is clearly seen because the husband and wife before the separation are STILL husband and wife AFTER the separation. For the wife is to “…be reconciled to HER HUSBAND” (1Corinthians 7:11), not, “…HER FORMER HUSBAND who divorced her…” (Deuteronomy 24:4a). If she were divorced, she wouldn’t have a husband. But when you’re just separated, you still have a husband.

Using the husband and wife example in this Scripture, let me explain what is happening, and what regularly happens in relationships.

The wife says to the husband, “I’m leaving you!” That statement immediately starts the husband to pursue after his wife who is leaving. “Oh, no, you’re not,” he says. This constant chasing may go on for some time. But after awhile the husband gives up the pursuit, then the wife starts to draw back to her husband. As long as the husband seems to go away from his wife, or not to display to her a pursuing heart, she will return in many cases. “…A wife is not to depart [separate] from her husband. But even if she does depart [separate] let her remain unmarried or BE RECONCILED TO HER HUSBAND. And a husband is not to [spitefully] DIVORCE HIS WIFE” (1Corinthians 7:10-11).

At this point the wife returns and they both come to an agreement to reconcile. However, because now the wife is pursuing the husband, the husband’s heart somehow feels justified to let his wife feel some pain. So he says, “forget the reconciliation, I want a divorce!” And so is the case in the above Scripture. If your spouse is willing to have a Spiritual reconciliation, don’t divorce them.

There is one last thing in this Scripture I would like to point out that’s very important. It says, “A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her REMAIN UNMARRIED…” (1Cor 7:11). The Greek work translated “unmarried” is agamos. It’s the negative form of gamos, which means, “no nuptials” — no relationship of or having to do with mating. To remain “unmarried” DOES NOT mean you cannot get remarried, but you should not have a “marriage relationship” (sex) with anyone else, but to be “…reconciled to your husband [or wife]” (1Corinthians 7:11a). When a separation occurs, we’re to be abstinent. Sexual relations dictate union in Elohim’s eyes. When the husband and wife are joined together in sex, “…the two shall become ONE FLESH” (Matthew 19:5).

Help a Friend Through a Divorce

Being a friend to a friend going through a divorce is crucial during this time in their life. There are some very practical things that a friend can do to help a friend through a divorce. Divorce can be one of the most difficult things a person can encounter. Many times well meaning friends do not know what to do when their loved one need help; instead of helping, they actually make things worse. Below are some practical guidelines to Help a Friend Going Through a Divorce:

How Do I Be a Friend To Someone Who is Going Through a Divorce or Their Spouse Has Walked Out? (More of these apply to the wife than to the husband because of the greater needs.)

1. The most important thing that you could do for a friend is NOT to promise anything that you will not fully keep to its fullest extent. Even with the greatest intentions, if you do not keep your promises, you will do greater damage and the effects may last for years. It is better if your friend knows that you will NOT be there for them. At least they can count on that.

2. Of course, being a good listener is the first priority of business. Don’t have all the answers, but rather, always be praying and seeking YAHUAH’s heart on how to pull them through. Give them hope, not in the marriage necessarily, but in Elohim’s ability to walk them through. Always fill their heart with the Word of Elohim and encourage them to do the same.

3. They will need help with the children: encouraging them, sitting them and walking them through the pain of their hearts. Basically, being a friend, and not by inconvenience.

4. Financially: She will need ongoing money; otherwise she may end up out on the streets. Rally others in the Assembly and friends to help. It must be ongoing (perhaps for years) because she and her kids are alive every day.

5. Help with working through the alimony and child support process and encourage her not to be cut short. Make a reasonable budget and go after that. Both spouses have got to live.

6. Find her good mediator (rather than a lawyer) if at all possible who will be efficient and fair. Then help her pay for them. Otherwise, she will not have the money and end up victimized.

7. Emotional support: They will need to call any hour of the day or night—and expect it at the most inconvenient hours. You will be their bright light in their dark hour. Do not offer anything if you will not do it.

8. Divorce support: They will need a good support team who will be there for them. A support team will be of most value so they will not be a heavy burden on a single person or family. It is easier to carry something heavy when a number of people are involved. You can get a hold of Naomi Ford at 1-800-489-7778 at www.DivorceCare.org or visit their website to find a Assembly support group in your area.

9. Let them know it is not the end of their world or the marriage as of yet. They cannot focus on everything being over even though their emotions will want to. Do not go there with them. Always pray with them and seek Elohim’s heart in everything. Elohim wants to work things out within their heart. They must be brought to understand this and what are the driving issues involved in the breakup. Most likely, they are unresolved heart issues or just plain ignorance of the dynamics of a relationship. They must evaluate what the real issues are with your help or a counselor.

10. We have found that most marriages fail because of selfishness and ignorance. Teach them and get the materials on how to save their marriage.

Bless your friend who is going through a divorce by following these ten guidelines above and you will end up with a relationship greater than ever. If you don’t follow these guidelines, we may all end up losing a brother or sister to the enemy. Stephen & Joanie Gola

 

May you receive a blessing Shalom.

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